Cannonball Run 2006: TBA
by BKelly95
Summary: It's time for the next running of the Cannonball Run. Twelve teams prepare to depart on a fastpaced race across the country. But will one of them not make it?
1. Prelude

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA

Prelude (Not A Honda)

AN:Welcome to the 2006 running of the Cannonball Run.  
This time around, there will be a few more teams and some new faces. However, Mel and the doctor (I couldn't fit him in anywhere) will not be taking part and I apologize for that. I promise a few surprises will be ahead.  
And so, to give you a better idea of what these characters are supposed to look like, here's the cast:

J.J. McClure-Jerry O'Connell  
Victor Prinsi/Captain Chaos-Horatio Sanz  
Pamela McClure-Tara Reid  
Lisa-Rachel Dratch  
Mad Dog-Ice-T  
Jamie Blake-Colin Quinn  
Morris Fenderbaum-Arsenio Hall  
Marcie Thatcher-Jordana Spiro  
Monkey Matthews-Chad Lindberg  
Jill Boyd-Tinsley Grimes  
Jessie Munroe-Raelee Hill  
Pete Rivers-Danny Strong  
Steve Carter-Mike Epps  
Jackie Lewis-Dustin Diamond  
Michael North-Darius McCrary  
Professor Weathers-John O'Hurley  
Seymour Drake Jr/The Drake-Cole Hauser  
Ron Lucas-Brian Baker  
Venom-Matt Schulze  
Brad Compton-Will Forte  
Susan Cope-Stephanie March  
Terry Fletcher-Andrew Heckler  
Sarah Fletcher-Kimberley Williams  
Danny Mitchell-Martin Henderson  
Batman-Beck Hansen  
Chuck Prescott-Will Arnett  
Betty Prescott-Amy Poehler  
Rob Falcon-Vince Vieluf  
Patrick Bannon-Jamie Kennedy  
Big Bison-Keenan Thompson  
Frankie Thunder-Johnny Strong  
Rocco-Anthony Simcoe  
Miss Whitaker-Kate Mulgrew  
J.C.-Jeffrey Tambor

And so, let's begin. But first, a retrospect.

**2003**

"That's three thousand miles averaging over a hundred miles per hour."

Captain Chaos ran down the driveway at the Portofino Inn with his cape billowing in the wind.

Mad Dog raced down the driveway of the starting line in his GMC Sierra and drove up an embankment before knocking down a section of fence.

Fenderbaum let out a howl as the Porsche Boxster Blake was driving tore off.

Victor raced off in the Ford E-250 ambulance he and J.J. were using. Mr. Foyt was trying to enter the rear and became airborne while holding onto the handle. Finally, his grip slipped and he hit the pavement face-first.

Jill and Marcie's MR2 raced down the street with its nitrous system going full blast.

Terry's unmanned Chevelle rolled towards a river. The Chevelle fell in, hit a rock and exploded.

The Drake's BMW 745i was parked between two police cars. Suddenly, it raced off and the Drake tossed his torn-up speeding ticket.

Michael activated a pair of JATO bottles in the Subaru Impreza he and Jackie were in and sent the car flying up a hillside.

Marcie jammed her team's time card in the time clock and claimed victory. She and Jill high-fived each other.

**2004**

The Australian flag was seen on top of a building.

Jackie and Michael's Mitsubishi Eclipse drove off a boat dock and into the Swan River.

Jill pushed a button on the control panel of her borrowed Nissan Skyline and blasted Fenderbaum with the car's nitrous purge.

J.J. and Victor's Holden Statesman limosine was parked in the middle of the highway. A police car swerved to avoid hitting it and drove off the road.

The Ford Falcon Mel, Terry, and Sarah were in raced towards the back of a trailer home before ripping through it.

The Maserati 3200GT Blake was driving spun out and blocked the highway. The two police cars chasing it veered off into the ditches at the side of the road.

Pete raced into a turn with his borrowed Mazda RX-7 and drifted through it. Steve leaned out of the window and threw up.

The Drake pulled to the side of the road in his BMW 545i and talked with a beautiful woman. It was then that Alex put a gun to his head.

At the finish line, winners Jackie and Michael enjoyed a few drinks.

**2005**

Danny maneuvered his Audi TT Quattro through the mountains of New York.

The Scion Jill, Marcie, and Jessie were using raced into a shopping plaza and made a fast left.

Terry raced his '69 Dodge Coronet up the ramp to a bridge and jumped two police cars.

The Drake passed a blue Nissan 350Z in his red BMW M3.

The Aston Martin Blake was driving got rear-ended by the Monte Carlo driven by one of Frankie Thunder's henchmen.

The Crown Victoria police car J.J's team was using raced down the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge at a high rate of speed.

The Acura TSX Jackie was driving raced out of a side street along with several other cars.

Batman stood at the finish line with winners Blake and Fenderbaum.

"Pamela, will you marry me?" asked J.J. They hugged and kissed while the Cannonballers applauded.

**2006**

Portofino Inn, Redondo Beach, California. A few dozen cars were parked around the parking lot. Some were apparently stock, others had some custom work done. All had one thing in common: within an hour, they would be driven in a race across the country. A race known as "The Cannonball Run".

One such car was a 1998 Ford Mustang GT. The car was painted blue with black and silver tribal graphics from Race Apeel. It was also fitted with a Ground Designs 2000 Black Widow body kit and TSW Nogaro rims. The car's owner, Chuck Prescott, was standing nearby.

"So, Mr. Prescott." said the blonde woman standing nearby. "What is it you do for a living?"

"I'm a mail room clerk." said Chuck.

"Really?" said the woman. "How does a mail room clerk afford a nice car like this?"

"Well, it started in my possession as a stock 'Stang." said Chuck. "After that, I added on a few things. But if I told you how, I'd never get rid of you."

"Do you have a lucky lady to share this with?" asked the woman.

"You should know." said Chuck. "You see her everytime you look in the mirror. Come on."

"Thanks so much." said the woman, Chuck's wife Betty.

"Just don't forget who came up with this design." said the man standing next to the Camaro behind the Mustang, auto mechanic and veteran Cannonballer J.J. McClure.

"I never do, J.J." said Chuck. "I have to admit, your boy Victor did a good job on your Camaro."

Chuck looked over the Camaro. It was a '98 Z28 that had been painted lime green, affixed with an RK Sport ground effects kit and Axis Penta rims, and white stripe graphics from Scrap Vinyl had been applied.

"Sure did." said J.J. "It's suped-up, tricked out..."

"And most of all, ready to race." said a short woman who'd been examining the interior. "Looks like you two are good to go."

"Thanks, Lisa." said J.J.

J.J's wife Pamela and their teammate Victor Prinsi returned to the car.

"Hey, honey." said Pamela as she jumped up and kissed him.

"Hey, J.J." said Victor. "How's the car looking?"

"Sharp as always." said J.J. "And fit for racing according to Lisa."

"Ha, alright." said Victor.

"Well, I'm all finished." said Lisa.

"Okay, see ya later." said Victor.

Lisa left.

"Nice." said J.J.

"What?" asked Victor.

Lisa walked over to a black Mitsubishi Raider with a silver brush guard and a black rollbar. A distiguished looking older man was looking at the bed. MIT graduate Michael North was sitting in the passenger seat.

"Professor Weathers, I've finished logging the entrants." said Lisa.

"I'm almost done myself." said the man, Professor Weathers. "I'm just a little more interested in this truck because the members of the team are former students of mine."

"Yeah, Professor, how's it look?" asked Michael.

"Absolutely pristine." said Weathers. "Except for this gouge in the paint. Looks like someone dragged something along the length of the bed with a lot of force."

"What?" said Michael as he climbed out and looked at the bed. "Oh! How the hell did that happen?"

"You don't know?" asked Weathers.

"I wasn't here when it happened and Jackie didn't mention it." said Michael.

"Where is Jackie?" asked Weathers.

"He went to check out the competition." said Michael.

Lisa looked into the bed. "You've got a computer and a hydraulics system?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah." said Michael. "The hydraulics reservoir is in the cab instead of the bed. That way, if it breaks, we get splattered instead of the fragile electronics."

"What about the keyboard?" asked Weathers.

"That's when I play human shield." said Michael.

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out." said Weathers. He looked back at the bed and said "Even went through the clearcoat. Who did this?"

Next to a path, Michael's teammate Jackie Lewis was sitting on the rear fender of a brand new Mazda MX-5. The car was painted bright red and had yellow and orange splash graphics from Modern Image. It was fitted with Maya RT5 wheels. Los Angeles tuner Marcie Thatcher was leaning on the front fender and her mechanic boyfriend Monkey Matthews was sitting in the passenger seat.

"So, this is the new Miata." said Jackie.

"MX-5." said Monkey.

"Yeah, Mazda doesn't officially call it the Miata anymore." said Marcie. "It has too much of a girlie image, I guess."

"I can't believe you already got one of these." said Jackie. "I've barely seen any of these on the road."

"What can I say? I've got connections." said Marcie.

"So, how are things looking at Mitsubishi?" asked Monkey.

"Pretty good." said Jackie. "You should see the Evo IX. Ralliart's already got a few designs on it."

"I'm a little more interested in the new Eclipse." said Monkey as two skateboarders flew down the path. "I've done the math. The engine could probably get..."

He was cut off when the two skateboarders hit a ramp. One cleared the Mazda while the other did a rail slide on the windshield. Jackie was so freaked out, he fell off the fender while Monkey and Marcie jumped back in shock.

"Jesus Christ!" yelled Marcie.

"I know, they did the same thing with the truck." said Jackie.

"Great, now I gotta change my undies!" yelled Monkey as he climbed out of the car.

The two skateboarders raced through the crowd of cars. The one who cleared the car, Irish boarder Patrick Bannon, said "Boy, our competition has some nice hardware."

"Don't say that." said his partner, American boarder Rob Falcon.

"What?"

"The c-word." said Rob.

"Competition?" asked Patrick.

"We're not in this to compete." said Rob. "We're here just to say we completed the journey and enjoy the ride."

"And most likely do as much stupid shit along the way as we can." said Patrick.

"Good, you've done your homework." said Rob. "Let's get back to the car."

"You got it." said Patrick.

They kicked off to accelerate. Their bodyguard Big Bison followed in a rolling office chair with a garden gnome in his lap. "Hey, guys!" he yelled. "Wait for me! Wait for me!"

The boarders passed former NASCAR mechanic Terry Fletcher and his wife Sarah as they walked back to their car. "Is that who I think it is?" asked Sarah.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." said Terry. "Looks like he made it after all."

"You can take the kid out of the skate park," said Sarah as Big Bison passed them "but you can't take the...didn't we used to have a garden gnome like that?"

"Yeah. What happened to it?" asked Terry.

"Hey, Terry!"

Terry looked to see a scruffy, bearded man in a leather jacket walking towards him.

"Nice to see you made it." said the man. "The name's Venom. You know Ron? I'm the Drake's other bodyguard."

"Oh yeah." said Terry. "I remember you from last year."

"Venom? What kind of name is that?" asked Sarah.

"German." joked Venom.

"You running with the Drake again this year?" asked Terry.

"Yeah, he needed an extra bodyguard again." said Venom. "I think I might also get in a little...wetwork."

"Wetwork?" asked Terry. "Oh, I get it."

"Saw you on T.V. last week." said Venom. "I can't believe you got taken like that."

"Hey, these guys are pros." said Terry.

"Hey, is this the car?" asked Venom when he saw Terry's car.

"Sure is." said Sarah.

"Looks even better in person." said Venom.

"I thought so." asked Terry. "So, what's the Drake running?"

The Drake's rival Brad Compton walked back to his car with his new financial advisor Susan Cope. Not coincidentally, she was also the Drake's former financial advisor.

"We need a strategy." said Brad. "I can't lose to the Drake. Not after what I've done to him."

"Relax, you beat him last year." said Susan.

"Yes, but that was only because of a chance spinout." said Brad.

"Brad!"

Brad and Susan froze when they saw Seymour Drake Jr, a.k.a. "The Drake", walking towards him with his bodyguard, Ron Lucas.

"Hell of a honeymoon, dontcha think?" asked the Drake.

"You're not going to throw rice at us, are you?" asked Brad.

"No, of course not." said the Drake. "Kills birds. I just came by to see what you were planning."

"You're not learning our strategy unless you tell us yours." said Susan.

"Oh, we have a great strategy." said the Drake. "We have such a great strategy, I can't legally tell you because it would kill you. And I don't want to go to jail for murder."

"You don't really have a strategy, do you?" said Brad.

"No, we don't." said Ron.

In the passenger seat of a silver Lotus Elise, aspiring musician Wayne "Batman" Bruce leafed through the CDs of the car's owner, Miami nightclub owner Danny Mitchell.

"Got it, got it, sampled it, got it, want it, got it...Kajagoogoo?" he said.

Outside, Danny had pulled up his shirt and was showing his back to two of Marcie's fellow street racers, Pete Rivers and Steve Carter. He had some scars from a successful kidney transplant the previous year.

"I gotta thank my cousin Phil for his generous gift of a kidney." said Danny in his New Zealand accent. "He literally saved my life. He didn't want to come, but a little part of him is coming anyway."

"Man, you should do that more often." said Pete. "You know, chicks dig scars."

"Plan to." said Danny.

"You did nice D.J-ing last night." said Steve.

"Thanks, but you really should've warned me." said Batman.

"About what?" asked Steve.

"That one of your teammates was named Monkey." said Batman. "It made one of my song choices a little inappropriate."

"Sorry about that." said Steve. "Of course, had I known you were going to play it..."

Jamie Blake and Morris Fenderbaum walked over to their car, a red 2004 Acura NSX, only to find someone had wrapped it in Saran-Wrap and poured flour all over it.

"I see people are still pissed over last year." said Blake.

"Gee, I wonder why?" asked Fenderbaum sarcasticly.

"Could it be because you sold us out to the cops and tried to get us all arrested?"

Blake and Fenderbaum turned around to see another pair of Marcie's teammates, Jill Boyd and Jessie Munroe.

"Well, if you're going to hold a grudge." said Blake.

"Listen, you bloody ratbag." said the Australian Jessie. "I don't know what makes a man sell out his friends like that, but I know that I wouldn't because they wouldn't forgive me afterwards. And guess what? We haven't."

"We've thought long and hard about it and we decided to try to go this one straight." said Fenderbaum. "No funny stuff, no backstabbing, just clean racing."

"I'll believe that when I see it." said Jill.

The two girls walked back to their car.

"Yeah, WHEN you see it." said Blake.

Fenderbaum groaned. "Help me get this stuff off the car." he said as he began to unwrap the Saran-Wrap.

From the hotel's dining room, mercenary Frankie Thunder and an Australian gangster known as Rocco looked on.

"Looks like they had a hell of a party last night." said Rocco.

"Yeah, wish we were there." said Frankie.

"Look at all of those cars." said Rocco. "I think this line-up is bigger than two years ago."

"Or last year." said Frankie. "Hold on, I see him."

"Who? The target?" asked Rocco.

"That's the one." said Frankie. "Soon, he will be toast."


	2. The Committee

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

The Committee

Two months earlier...

Somewhere in Kentucky, the Drake drove into a state park in his BMW M3. He parked between a Cadillac Escalade EXT and a brand new Dodge Charger. He and Ron climbed out and walked over to a trio of men seated at a picnic table. One was Brooklyn car customizer Dennis "Mad Dog" Menesinni. The second was Terry. The third was the organizer of the Cannonball Run.

"Got your message. What's going on?" said the Drake.

"We're working on details for this year's race." said Mad Dog. "But we're not saying anything definite until you join us."

"Welcome aboard." said Terry.

The Drake took a seat at the table. Ron stood guard next to him.

"Okay, first the news you've been dying for." said the organizer. "The police have decided it was too much effort to launch a campaign against the Cannonball. Instead, they're just going to pull you over for speeding and charge you accordingly."

"Yes!" said Terry.

"'bout time." said Mad Dog.

"You'll still have to pay your own fines, though." said the organizer. "One thing we've been considering for a while and are now implementing is running the race west-to-east instead of east-to-west. Drake, you had success with this direction in the Australian Cannonball Run two years ago."

"I had nowhere to start it from besides Perth." said the Drake. "The police in the eastern states were watching for us."

"I see." said the organizer. "Now for the subject of Jamie Blake and Morris Fenderbaum."

"Ugh, we can certainly do without them." said Terry.

"The rest of the committee disagrees with you, Mr. Fletcher." said the organizer. "Blake and Fenderbaum are being let back in on a probationary condition."

"What?" yelled the Drake and Mad Dog at the same time.

"Need I remind you those two sold me out to an Australian crime lord two years ago?" asked the Drake.

"Not only that, they also tried to sell us out to the cops last year!" said Mad Dog.

"And they won the race as well." said the organizer. "We're going to give them one more chance, then see where the chips fall."

"Unbelievable." said Mad Dog.

"You're telling me." said the Drake.

"Now, there's still the issue of the starting and finish lines." said the organizer. "The finish line has been selected. Danny Mitchell has offered the use of his nightclub, the Kiwi Club. However, we have not yet chosen a starting line."

"Fear not, I happen to own a hotel in Los Angeles." said the Drake as he took out his cell phone. "I will set things up right now."

"Okay, you do that." said the organizer.

The Drake walked away and called the hotel.

"There's one other thing." said the organizer. "When we decided not to run the race two years ago, I was okay with hanging it up for good. When you guys put on your own, I was rather impressed. Mad Dog, when you ran the show last year, I couldn't believe it. I was thinking you could be the race organizer from now on."

"Really?" asked Mad Dog.

"You did the Drake's job with maybe a fifth of the funds." said the organizer. "I have no doubt in my mind that you'd do well in my place."

"Sir, I-I'm honored." said Mad Dog.

"Congratuations." said Terry. "I'd do it, but I've got enough stress from managing the shop."

"Okay, wish lists, guys." said Mad Dog. "Whatcha running?"

"The Drake recently purchased a new car." said Ron. "And just by saying that, I may have already said too much. Terry?"

"I'm restoring a car specificly for the race." said Terry. "It was totalled in an accident three years ago. No fatalities, thank God. I've got an Edelbrock crate motor back at the shop. That's going into it. I've also straightened out the frame, banged out the front clip, I'm working on the suspension."

"Wait a minute." said Mad Dog. "Is this that old Chevelle you wrecked in the 2003 race?"

"That's the one." said Terry as he snapped his fingers into a point to Mad Dog.

"Good luck with that." said Ron.

Just then, the Drake walked back and folded up his phone. "We've got a problem with the hotel." he said.

"What's wrong?" asked Mad Dog.

"Apparently, it's going out of business and will not be open when the race starts." said the Drake.

"Ah crap." said Terry.

"What happened?" asked Ron.

"They reported their financial problems to Susan and she was supposed to report them to me." said the Drake. "For some reason, she gave them her own advice without consulting me and it killed them."

"Susan?" asked Ron. "That doesn't sound like her."

"I know." said the Drake. "I'm going to have a little talk with her and sort this out."

"Are we done here?" asked Terry.

"Yeah, we're done." said the organizer. "Let's go."

The Drake and Ron returned to the BMW. The organizer returned to the Charger. Terry and Mad Dog got into the Escalade. As he was closing the door, Terry's cell phone went off.

"Hold on." he said. He answered his phone. "Hello...What's up, Mel?..What?..When did this happen?..Hold on, I'll be right there." He closed his phone and told Mad Dog "Take me back to the shop as soon as possible."

"Why? What's wrong?" asked Mad Dog.

"Someone stole the Chevelle." said Terry.

----------

In Poughkeepsie, New York, Chuck sat in the break room of Magnacorp where he worked in the mail room. He was eating a grilled cheese when his cell phone went off. He checked it and discovered he had a text message from Mad Dog. It said "Rce is on. 7/01."

"Ha, I knew it." said Chuck. "Looks like I get to run with the big boys again."

He finished his sandwich and found his supervisor.

"Miss Whitaker, can I ask you something?" asked Chuck.

"Whatever it is, no." said Miss Whitaker.

"Come on, I'm allowed one vacation a year." said Chuck. "Can't I just get a week or two off?"

"Actually, you're not allowed a vacation this year." said Miss Whitaker. "Management has decided that mail room employees do not get a paid vacation due to cutbacks."

"Is there a reason for this?" asked Chuck.

"I can't bother to explain it to someone like you." said Miss Whitaker. "All you really need to know is we've made the decision and that's final."

"Oh, but I bet the bigwigs in management are getting their big bonuses, right?" asked Chuck.

"This matter is closed!" said Miss Whitaker. "You're not getting your vacation this year and that's final."

With that, she left.

"I'm doing this." said Chuck. "Somehow, some way, I'm doing this."

----------

In Kentucky, Mad Dog pulled up to Terry's shop. He had opened it a couple of months after the previous year's Cannonball. Here, he performed tune-ups on various cars that were brought in. Right now, the police were there to investigate the theft of Terry's '69 Chevelle which he had run in the 2003 Cannonball. Unfortunately, the car didn't survive the race and was totalled when it collided with a police roadblock.

Terry ran into the shop and found Mel. "Okay, what happened?" he asked.

"I just went out for lunch." said Mel. "When I came back, the Chevelle was gone."

"Who's in charge?" asked Terry.

"That would be me." said one cop with a bushy, but fake-looking moustache. "Detective Louis, Auto Theft Division. How are you?"

"I'm fine, except for the fact that my car was stolen." said Terry.

"Okay, relax." said Det. Louis. "Can you give me some history on this car?"

Terry thought about what he was going to say. He realized mentioning the Cannonball would be a bad thing. "I bought it four years ago and fixed it up." he said. "I was taking a road trip across the country with Mel here and we got into a wreck. We're okay, but the car was completely trashed. I was in the process of fixing it up again when the theft occurred."

Sarah pulled up in her Taurus. She climbed out and walked over.

"Okay, we'll see what we can dig up." said Louis. "I'll keep you posted."

"Thanks." said Terry.

Louis left. Terry turned to Sarah.

"Mel told me about the theft." she said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess." said Terry.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Sarah.

"I'll think of something." said Terry. "We've got two months. Hell, they might even find the Chevelle by then."

"Well, let's hope for the best." said Mel.

----------

That night, Chuck drove home in his Mustang. The white paint had long since lost its luster, the radio barely worked, and the right front turn signal needed replacing. Chuck pulled into the driveway, got out of his car with a bag from a convenience store, and entered the house. He found Betty in the kitchen crying.

"Honey?" he asked. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"They fired me, Chuck." she sobbed. "I asked them for a couple of weeks off and they fired me."

"Oh, sweetheart." said Chuck as he took her in his arms. "You were too good for those jerks anyway."

"How did your day go?" asked Betty.

"Oh, fine." said Chuck. "The usual. Miss Whitaker barking out orders, two paper cuts before lunch, cutbacks costing me my annual vacation."

"Oh, that's just great!" said Betty as she broke out of Chuck's embrace. "I got myself fired for nothing?"

"I wouldn't say nothing." said Chuck. "You found out your employers weren't as nice as you thought. Look, I'll help you find a new job. I promise you. I promise you I will."

Betty laughed a little through her tears. "You always knew when to quote our song." she said. "So, what did you get at the store?"

"I got milk 'cause I saw your note." said Chuck. "Also, I got ice because I kept thinking 'we need ice'. Oh yeah, and I got a lottery ticket."

"Probably a wise investment at this stage." said Betty as she handed him the ticket while unpacking the bag.

"I'll be watching them pick the numbers and getting my hopes crushed if you need me." said Chuck as he walked into the living room and turned on the television.

----------

Sarah pulled up to the Fletcher house. A white Mini Cooper was parked in the driveway. Rob was sitting on the porch.

"Who is that?" asked Terry

"Isn't that Rob Falcon?" asked Sarah.

"Yeah, it is." said Terry. "What's the number five ranked skateboarder in the country doing here?"

Terry and Sarah climbed out of her Taurus and walked up to Falcon.

"Did I miss the committee for the Cannonball Run?" asked Rob.

"Yes, you did." said Terry.

"Okay, I just wanted to come by and tell you I'm signing up." said Rob.

"You could've just signed up and we'd see you there." said Sarah.

"Yeah, but I also wanted to warn you that I was going to win." said Rob.

Terry squealed with laughter.

"You're gonna win?" asked Sarah.

"Hell yeah, I'm gonna win!" said Rob. "I'd bet my Cooper on it!"

"That thing will make a nice barbecue pit for the shop." said Terry. "Seriously though, you're not planning on doing this alone, are you? Four years ago, some nutjob tired to do the entire route by himself and wrecked his Infiniti. He just came out of his coma last year."

"And three years ago, a girl drove the whole way in an MR2 and won." said Rob. "No, I'm not doing this alone. I'll have two teammates: a bodyguard who calls himself Big Bison and...Patrick...Bannon!"

"Who's Patrick Bannon?" asked Sarah.

"He's like Ireland's answer to Tony Hawk." said Terry. "He currently holds the top spot in Europe's skateboarding championships."

"And together, we're going to conquer the Cannonball." said Rob.

"Good luck with that." said Sarah.

"Just wanted to say that." said Rob. "I'll see you at the starting line." He turned and walked back to his car.

"Bye." said Sarah.

"I'm gonna win the X-Games this year." said Terry.

The Fletchers entered their house. Rob started to open the door to the Mini when something in the garden caught his eye. It was a garden gnome. Within a few seconds, logic gave way to mischief and the skateboarder picked up the gnome and left.

----------

Back in Poughkeepsie, Chuck wathed the news. For a few minutes, the news showed some of the less important stories along with the weather. Finally...

"Welcome to New York Lotto. Here are tonight's numbers."

"I wonder if this ticket will make a nice tissue." mused Chuck.

"The first number is...eight."

"Got one." chuckled Chuck.

"The next number is...sixteen."

Chuck did a slight double-take at the screen.

"The next number is...five."

Chuck looked at the ticket more intensely.

"The next number is...nine."

Chuck's eyes widened a little.

"The next number is...eighteen."

Chuck's mouth dropped open.

"And the final number is...twenty-nine. And so, our numbers are...five, eight, nine, sixteen, eighteen, and twenty-nine. Have a good evening."

"Oh my God." gasped Chuck. "Oh my God. Oh my God!"

"Chuck, what is it?" asked Betty as she came into the living room.

"We won." said Chuck. "We won the lottery. I-I can't believe this, we won!"

"What?" asked Betty. "We won?"

"We won!" said Chuck.

"How much was it?" asked Betty.

"I don't know!" said Chuck. "We won the New York State Lottery!"

They both screamed.

----------

The next day in Chicago, Susan walked into the Drake's office. "Mr. Drake, you wanted to see me?" she asked.

"Have a seat." he hold her. He did not look very happy. Ron was standing behind him with a look of dread on his face.

Susan sat in a chair facing the Drake. "What's this about?" she asked.

The Drake handed her a newspaper from Los Angeles. He had circled an article about the impending closure of the hotel he had planned to use as the Cannonball starting line. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong," he said "but weren't you supposed to inform me about the financial goings on at this hotel and let me make the decisions about its future?"

"Yes, I was." said Susan.

"So, why didn't you?" asked the Drake.

"Because I thought it was time I prove I could do this on my own." said Susan.

"But you didn't." said the Drake. "You crashed and burned. Now, thanks to you, I have to find new jobs for these people."

"It was a learning experience." said Susan.

"Not for these people!" said the Drake. "I have had learning experiences before in my work. None of them have involved screwing innocent people!"

"I just wanted to do something on my own." said Susan. "I don't want to spend the rest of my career being just Seymour Drake's financial advisor! I want to stand on my own!"

"If you want to stand on your own, you come to me!" said the Drake. "We'll then see if you can stand on your own! You don't just go ahead and do it!"

"I made a mistake." said Susan. "Sue me."

"Look, just get out of here!" said the Drake.

"Fine, I will!" said Susan as she stood up.

"No, I'm serious!" said the Drake. "I've spent too much time carrying on my father's legacy to let some maverick pull it apart. I will grant you the opportunity to stand on your own. Susan, you're fired."

Susan was stung by the words. Ron cringed.

"Go on, leave." said the Drake.

Susan picked up her briefcase and left in a huff. The Drake leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.

"Are you alright?" asked Ron.

"That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." said the Drake.

Susan walked out the front with her briefcase. A silver Chrysler 300 SRT-8 was waiting for her. She climbed into the front passenger seat.

"So, how'd it go?" asked the driver, Brad.

"I'm free." said Susan.

"My condolences." said Brad.

"And to tell the truth, I feel kind of sorry for her." said the Drake. "A blemish like this on her record will most likely hurt her chances with future employers."

Brad slipped the Chrysler into drive, then looked in the rearview and saw the Drake's M3. He looked to Susan who was also looking in the rearview. She looked at him, gave him a thumbs-up, then turned it down.

Brad pushed the gear selector to reverse and floored the accelerator. The rear end of the Chrysler smashed into the front of the BMW, mangling it and setting off the alarm.

In the office, the Drake and Ron heard the alarm and went to the window to investigate. They saw Brad struggling to get the gear selector back in drive. They also saw Susan look up at them and flash a smirk as Brad drove off.

"Well, it's nice to see she landed on her feet." said Ron.

----------

Days later...

"Turns out the entire state was on a months-long losing streak." said Chuck on the phone.

"That's unbelievable." said Terry on the other end. "How much was it?"

"Forty-seven million dollars." said Chuck.

"Ah, you lucky son of a bitch!" said Terry. "I guess you'll be doing something special for the Cannonball."

"I was thinking about it." said Chuck. "Sorry to hear about your car."

"It's been a week." said Terry. "I'm starting to resign myself to the possibility that they might never find it. It's probably lying in pieces in a chop shop somewhere."

"Well, if you don't find it, you're welcome to ride with me." said Chuck.

"If I have to." said Terry. Just then, there was a beep. "Hold on, I've got another call."

"No problem, I've said all I wanted to." said Chuck.

Terry pushed the button to take the other call. "Fletcher."

"Mr. Fletcher, it's Detective Louis. I think we may have found your car."

"You did?" asked Terry. "Thank you. Thank you. Where is it?"

"We believe it to be at a used car dealership run by a Claude Matthews." said Detective Louis.

"I should've known." groaned Terry.

"Why is that?" asked Louis.

"Well, last year, Mel and I took another road trip with Claude's son Monkey." said Terry. "On this trip, Monkey met this girl and subsequently moved to Los Angeles to be with her. I think Claude's just getting revenge."

"How quickly can you get down there?" asked Louis.

"Immediately, I guess." said Terry. "I'll see you there."

"Okay, see you later." said Louis.

Terry hung up the phone and went out to the front porch. Sarah was there reading the newspaper. "Honey, what's going on?" she asked.

"Detective Louis called." said Terry. "They found the Chevelle."

----------

Back in Poughkeepsie, Chuck hung up the phone.

"Well, Terry still hasn't found his car." he said.

"Speaking of cars, are we running the Mustang?" asked Betty.

"Why not?" asked Chuck. "We ran it last time."

"And the oil pump blew." said Betty. "We didn't finish."

"That's because we didn't have the money to properly maintain it. We do now." said Chuck. He laughed. "Listen to me. We've now got nearly fifty million dollars and I'm saying we have enough to get an oil change. We can change the whole engine if we want to."

"Hey, have you found a way to get off work?" asked Betty.

"Yeah, I forgot about that." said Chuck. "I think I'll use our winnings to get out of the mail room."

"I see." said Betty. "Show Miss Whitaker your winning ticket and laugh in her face as you turn in your resignation."

"Actually, I had another idea." said Chuck.

----------

In Kentucky, Terry and Sarah pulled up to Matthews' Used Cars in her Taurus. Detective Louis and Mel were already there with a few detectives.

"Is it here?" asked Terry.

"Yeah, I think it is." said Louis. "I took a look around and I saw what might be your car."

"Did you find Matthews?" asked Sarah.

"We're bringing him over." said Louis.

Another detective escorted Claude Matthews to the group. "What's going on here?" asked Claude.

"Mr. Matthews?" asked Louis. "We have reason to believe you are currently in possession of a stolen car, a '69 Chevelle."

"What are you talking about?" asked Claude. "I have a Chevelle, but it's not stolen. I purchased it legally."

"What?" said Terry. Mel tried to position himself to prevent his friend from attacking Claude.

"Sir, are you sure the paperwork is authentic?" asked Louis. "It might have been forged."

"Of course I am." said Claude. "In the used car business, you have to be sure. You'd be surprised how many lemons we get each month."

"You don't expect me to believe that, do you?" asked Terry. "I know I pissed you off when I took Monkey from you."

"Hey." said Louis.

"You lost not only a decent mechanic, but a son you could control as well." said Terry. "You want me to pay for the loss you seem convinced I caused."

"I hope you realize I don't take accusations like these lying down!" snapped Claude.

"Break it up!" yelled Louis.

He pulled Terry aside. "Okay, Mr. Fletcher. Somebody's wrong here." he said. "I'm not saying it's you, but we have to get to the bottom of this. I have to ask you a few questions. First of all, if we find the car, can you identify it?"

"If it's not too badly altered." said Terry.

"Second, can you prove it's yours?" asked Louis.

"Sure can." said Terry.

"Finally, and this is most important, have you ever heard of a show called 'Overhaulin''?" asked Louis.

"Yeah, what about it?...No way." said Terry as what had really happened quickly occured to him. "No way!"

Louis pulled off his cap and moustache and revealed himself to actually be "Overhaulin'" host Chris Jacobs. "Congratulations, Terry. You've just been Overhauled." he laughed.

Terry stumbled back and doubled over in laughter. "I watch you guys all the time." he laughed. "I keep thinking 'They'll never get me like that.' Oh, I don't believe this."

"Come on, want to see what Chip's done to your car?" asked Chris.

"Why not?" said Terry.

----------

At Magnacorp the following day, the management held a board meeting.

"I understand the Westfield Project is proceeding as planned." said the CFO, Mr. Johnson.

"It is, sir." said one of the board members. "We're working on draining the wetlands for construction right now."

"I assume our lawyers have taken care of any problems with the environmentalists." said Johnson.

"Absolutely." said another board member. "We expect construction to be complete next year."

"Sir, how can we afford to get through these legal wranglings?" asked another board member.

"We had Miss Whitaker take care of that." said Johnson.

"I took a look at the situation and realized that if we eliminated paid vacations in the mail room this year," said Miss Whitaker "we could easily make up the costs involved in our legal situation. I'm sure the mail room employees can go another year without a vacation. We've only had one person speak out."

"Excellent." said Johnson. "Now, with the details of the Westfield Project, I give it to you, J.C."

"Thank you, Johnson." said the CEO, known simply as J.C. "Let me begin by saying..."

Suddenly, a yes-man burst through the doors and yelled "We've been acquired!"

A wave of shocked muttering swept the boardroom.

"By whom?" yelled J.C. "The Omega Corporation?"

"No, Chuck from the mail room." said the yes-man as he pointed to the other door.

The other door opened and Chuck stepped in and leaned against the door frame. "Hi, boys, Miss Whitaker." he said smugly.

AN:One last thing, the final scene is based on a commercial for the New York State Lottery from maybe ten years ago. Chuck Prescott is based on the lottery winner from that commercial. I'm mentioning this here so I wouldn't spoil the surprise.  
By the way, in case you're wondering what "Overhaulin'" is, it's a show on The Learning Channel (TLC). They find someone who both has done something special for someone and has a car in need of help. They then pretend to steal the car and fix it up over the course of a week. When the lucky owner gets it back, the car has been completely restyled by hot rod master Chip Foose. So, now you know.


	3. Getting Ready

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 3: Getting Ready

In Los Angeles, Jill pulled up to a warehouse in her '99 Civic Si street racer. Jessie was with her. Right behind her was Steve in his RSX with Pete.

Marcie's MR2 (which she and Jill used to win the 2003 Cannonball) and Monkey's Gremlin were parked near the entrance. The street racers got out of their cars and approached the door.

"I wonder what Marcie has in mind." said Steve.

"And I wonder why she needed all of us." said Pete.

Jessie looked at Monkey's Gremlin. It was adorned with Konig Absolute rims and a red and yellow flame job over a metallic black base.

"Well, you can't say he didn't try." she said.

"No matter what, you just can't make a Gremlin cool." said Jill as she knocked on the door.

Marcie opened the door a few seconds later. "Oh, you made it." she said. "Come on in."

The group entered the warehouse and passed a pile of cardboard boxes labeled "Neuspeed", "Extreme Dimensions", "Exedy", "AEM", and various others.

"So, what's this you have to show us?" asked Steve.

"I just wanted to show you these." said Marcie. "These are the cars we are taking on the Cannonball."

"Hey, guys!" said Monkey. "Here's our wheels. So, what do you think?"

The Mazda MX-5 she and Monkey were running was there. Next to it was a new Volkswagen GTI. It was mounted with Extreme Dimensions canards, a splitter, and a spoiler. The car was painted gloss white with black checkered flag graphics. It was riding on RacingHart CP-510 rims and Nitto tires.

Next to the Volkswagen was a new Honda Civic Si with an Extreme Dimensions GT Competition body kit, pearlescent blue paint, white and yellow stripe graphics, and RH J5 Pro rims on Nitto tires.

"Nice wheels." said Pete. "What did you put in them?"

"If we gave you the full list, we'd miss the race." said Monkey.

"Let's just say that you'll be reminded these aren't stock everytime you push the accelerator." said Marcie. "Go on, take a look. And don't even think of touching the Miata. That's ours."

"MX-5." said Monkey.

"What?" asked Marcie.

"Mazda doesn't call it the Miata anymore." said Monkey. "It's just the MX-5 now."

"Okay, don't even think of touching the MX-5." said Marcie.

Jill and Jessie walked over to the Volkswagen. "You don't seem sad that I'm breaking up the team." said Jessie.

"Ah, Marcie's got a guy who's really into her. I don't want to break that up." said Jill. "Besides, you need someone to tutor you on America and its three branches of government, which are..?"

"The Judicial, which is the Supreme Court," said Jessie "the Legislative, which is Congress, and the Executive, also known as 'the Shrub'."

"You learn so fast." said Jill.

"No!" said Steve as he sat in the Honda's front passenger seat.

"Why don't you want me to drive?" asked Pete as he sat in the driver's seat.

"Because I saw the last car you drove." said Steve. "Get out of the driver's seat now and let me take over."

"Don't go there." said Pete.

"Hey, ladies!" said Marcie as she stood up through the Mazda's open top. "I thought we should take the cars out for a spin so we could get to know them a little better."

"Yeah, we can do that." said Jill.

"Fire 'em UP!" yelled Pete.

"Yeah, let's do what he said." said Marcie. She dropped down into the MX-5's driver's seat as Monkey climbed into the passenger side.

"You're letting Pete drive?" he asked.

"I have no choice." said Marcie as she inserted the key into the ignition. "He won't give up the wheel."

In a second, all three keys were turned. Then, the garage was filled with the roar of a combined twelve cylinders.

Jill put the Volkswagen's gearshift into first and drove out of the garage. Marcie was right behind her in the Mazda. Pete brought up the rear in the Honda.

Jill cruised down the street and shifted into second. The drop in revs was met by a loud hiss.

"Oh, I see Marcie put in a new blow-off valve." said Jessie.

"Sweet, I've always loved the sound of a blow-off valve." said Jill. "I wanted to get one for my Honda, but I can't find one that works with my turbocharger."

Marcie looped around her and took the lead.

"I think Jill likes the new blow-off valve I got her." said Marcie.

"You two aren't usual girls." said Monkey. "I'm picking up a few hints as to what to get you for your birthday."

"Oh God, not him." said Marcie as she spotted a white Prelude at the next intersection. The car had a rather gaudy and badly fitted body kit and a RacingBeat sticker on the rear window.

"Who's that?" asked Monkey.

"His name is Ted." said Marcie. "He's like the biggest ricer in town. He especially looks down on American cars."

"I drive an American car." said Monkey. "Not by choice, but still..."

Marcie pulled alongside the Prelude. "Ignore him." she whispered to Monkey.

"Hey, if it isn't Farcie." said Ted.

"Shit." whispered Marcie.

"Is this your boyfriend, the one with the Gremlin?" asked Ted snidely.

"Yeah, I am." said Monkey. "And I bet my Gremlin can kick your Gaylude's ass. Just feed it after midnight."

"In fact, I bet this MX-5 can beat you right here, right now." said Marcie.

"You're on." said Ted.

The MX-5's and Prelude's engines revved.

"I bet he's already making excuses as to why he lost." said Pete.

"Oh my God, Marcie's gonna race Ted." said Jill.

"Is that bad?" asked Jessie.

"Only for Ted." said Jill.

The light turned green and the two cars took off. The Prelude stalled immediately. The Volkswagen drove by and Jessie laughed at Ted. The Civic passed him next.

"How do you stall an automatic?" yelled Steve.

"You beat him." said Monkey as the Mazda raced down the street.

"You're surprised?" asked Marcie. "I had more trouble starting the car."

They passed a police car coming out of a side street. It quickly gave chase.

"God dammit!" yelled Marcie. She pushed the accelerator to the floor.

"Uh oh." said Jill as she followed.

"Party time." said Pete as he floored it as well.

Marcie turned onto an on-ramp to the L.A. freeway with the police car in hot pursuit. Unfortunately, traffic was light and they couldn't blend in.

"Come on, lose this guy." said Monkey.

"I'm trying, but he's got a V8." said Marcie.

Pete started to catch up.

"He's definately holding back." said Steve. "Otherwise, he'd be obliterating her."

"Hold on, I'm going to run interferance." said Pete.

"Pete, what are you doing?" asked Jill.

"The guy is bonzer loco." said Jessie. "He thinks he can stop a Crown Vic with a Civic?"

Pete raced up in front of the police car and quickly cut in front of it. The police car's brakes came on and Jill swerved around it.

"Does Pete usually do this kind of thing?" asked Monkey.

"I hope not." said Marcie.

The police car tried several times to pass the Civic, but Pete repeatedly swerved in front of him.

"This is probably stating the obvious, but you do realize he's bigger than we are, right?" asked Steve.

"Wouldn't be fun if it were safe." said Pete.

The police car finally outmaneuvered him, but the Volkswagen pulled in front of him and he spun out.

The Mazda was soon joined by the Civic and Volkswagen and the three cars pulled off the highway at a gravel pit. They hid behind a sand pile and got out of their cars. Jill and Marcie climbed the sand pile to watch for the police.

"Was that your first time outrunning the police?" asked Jill.

"Yeah." said Marcie.

"Good job." said Jill.

"Thanks." said Marcie.

Monkey shoved Pete into the side of the Civic. "What the hell was that?" he asked.

"What?" asked Pete.

"You tried to hold back that cop!" yelled Steve. "You almost got us killed!"

"And you almost undid all the work me and Marcie did." said Monkey. "We worked hard on these."

"Will you chill out?" asked Pete. "We lost that smokey, right?"

"You know, you just don't get it." said Jessie. "We're trying to show that we're not speed obsessed, ne'er do wells and you're reinforcing every single stereotype against us."

"Hey, I gotta protect the team however I can." said Pete.

"Not this time." said Steve. "Give me the keys."

"Wha?" asked Pete.

"Give me the keys!" demanded Steve.

"No." said Pete.

"Jesus, give him the bloody keys already!" yelled Jessie.

Monkey grabbed Pete and wrestled him to the ground. "Grab 'em! Grab 'em!" he said as a siren went by.

Steve reached into Pete's pocket and pulled out the keys. "You get these back after you grow up." he said.

Jill and Marcie came back from the pile. "Okay, the cops drove past." said Marcie. "Did you guys work things out?"

"Yeah, I'm going to drive from now on." said Steve.

Jill looked concerned. "If you think that's best." she said.

"Alright, let's go." said Monkey.

The racers hopped back into their cars and returned to base.

----------

In Stone Ridge, New York, J.J. pulled into his tune-up shop in his Camaro. Pamela was with him.

J.J. climbed out of the Camaro and said "Victor? Victor? Victor?"

"J.J!"

J.J. turned to face an El Camino parked on the lift. Victor was using the pickup bed as a sleeping bed and sat up topless.

"I didn't hear you come in." said Victor.

"That's kind of surprising considering the exhaust you put on the Camaro." said J.J.

"Hey, Victor." said Pamela.

"Oh, hi, Pamela." said Victor. "Ready for the Cannonball yet?"

"Just about." said J.J. "I thought we'd take a cruise over to New Paltz and visit a customer, have lunch, then give the 'Maro a test drive through the Gunks."

"Sounds great." said Victor. "Just let me get ready."

"Okay." said J.J.

"Uh, privacy?" asked Victor.

"Oh, right." said Pamela. She and J.J. left.

After they left, Lisa sat up next to him and whispered "Do you think they knew I was here?"

"I hope not." said Victor.

"Good." said Lisa. She climbed out of the El Camino's bed, taking the covers with her.

----------

In Poughkeepsie, Chuck walked away from the Magnacorp building to his Mustang. Betty was in the passenger seat reading a catalog for a very expensive store.

"Well?" she asked as he climbed in.

"The mail room got their vacations back." said Chuck.

"Yay!" said Betty.

"And we're taking ours when the Cannonball comes." said Chuck.

"Do we have to take the Mustang?" asked Betty.

"I don't see any reason why not." said Chuck. "Getting a new car is such a hassle. Besides, it might not even be delivered in time for the race."

"But this one blew an oil pump last time." said Betty.

"That's why we're going to see J.J. McClure about it." said Chuck. "He's supposed to be at his shop today."

"Well, if we're taking this car, maybe we can get in some practice." said Betty.

"Planning on it." said Chuck as he started the car.

----------

In Kentucky, Terry was led into the service center at Matthews Used Autos. Chris and Claude were with him.

"Okay, Terry, the Chevelle should be right in here." said Chris. "Now, you're going to have to face away from it for a few seconds so we can catch the surprise on camera."

"I understand." said Terry.

"Oh, and to clear things up," said Claude "I really don't mind that Monkey's out of my control. He's doing well. He and Marcie are going steady. He's made a lot of friends in L.A."

Terry turned around and faced the wall, then stepped sideways for a little.

"Keep going." said Chris. "Keep going, keep going, and stop. Now, Terry, are you ready to have your life changed?"

"Sure am." said Terry.

"Alright, Terry." said Chris. "Turn around and take a look."

Terry turned around and almost fainted. "Holy...oh...!" he gasped.

The Chevelle was completely rebuilt. All of the badging had been removed. The grill was completely chromed out. The wheels were now fit with custom Foose rims and new tires. The car's stance was visibly lower by a couple of inches.

Most eye-catching was the paint job. The upper half was painted bright yellow while the lower half was painted silver. The two halves were separated by a black flame running the length of the car.

"Holy cow." said Terry as he took in the excellent work that had been done, as well as the fact that it was his car.

In the passenger compartment, the seats were re-upholstered in white with yellow highlights. The instrument cluster was chromed as well. The gearshift had been replaced with a knob that matched the exterior paint job. A close look at the radio controls showed that a satellite radio receiver had also been installed.

A look in the trunk revealed a new set of speakers with and amplifier. "Definitely not using this to haul garbage now." said Terry. Those in the vicinity laughed.

Next thing to do was open the hood. Inside was a new engine. Terry just looked at it with the usual admiration he'd been showing up until then, before he noticed the name "Edelbrock" on the valve covers.

"That's my crate engine!" he exclaimed.

"You didn't notice it was missing?" asked the show's head designer, hot rod master Chip Foose.

"No, I was so pissed about the car itself being stolen." said Terry.

Terry then sat in the passenger compartment with Chip and listened to the sound system. Later, Terry would probably put on a country station. Right now, he was obligated to play the show's theme song, "Gasoline" by Kicking Harold.

"Want to take it for a spin?" asked Chip.

"Really?" asked Terry.

"Go ahead." said Chip.

----------

Northwest of New Paltz, J.J. navigated the Camaro down a forest road.

"Pamela and I thought it was too much trouble coming up with a decent gimmick every year." said J.J. "Therefore, the Camaro is going to run the race as you see it."

"Okay, got it." said Victor. "J.J, there's something I've got to tell you."

"Okay, what's that?" asked J.J.

"Well, that official for the Cannonball, Lisa?" said Victor. "We're kind of an item."

The brakes chirped. "Her?" asked J.J.

"We kind of ran into each other at your wedding and we kind of clicked." said Victor. "We've been having a kind of long-distance relationship."

"Are you kidding me?" asked J.J.

"Look, I know I probably shouldn't be dating her and stuff." said Victor. "I'm not sure what to do about it."

"Victor, I'm just your boss and your friend." said J.J. "I really have no right to tell you who you can and cannot date. However, I think you and Lisa should hold off until the race is over."

"Yeah, I know." said Victor. "I completely understand."

J.J. came to a T-intersection and signaled right.

"Stopwatch ready?" asked J.J.

"All set." said Victor as he held up the stopwatch.

"Go!" yelled J.J. as he turned onto the road at high speed.

Just behind him, Chuck drove down the road in his Mustang.

"That's J.J!" he said. "That's J.J!"

"Let's get him." said Betty.

Chuck took the right and followed J.J. up the hill.

"Doing about sixty through the twisties." said J.J.

"Watch the hairpin." said Victor.

J.J. turned left into a hairpin turn and slowed to thirty. He then took it back up to sixty and tore up the hill.

Chuck raced up to the same hairpin and slid through it at about fifty, hanging the Mustang's tail.

"What the hell was that?" asked Betty.

"That was that drifting thing that's all the rage." said Chuck.

The two cars raced through a turn at the top of the hill and passed under a footbridge. Several hikers on the bridge looked at the racing cars in awe.

"J.J?" said Victor as he looked in the rearview. "Is that Chuck Prescott?"

"Yes, it is." said J.J. "What's rich boy doing here?"

"Let's see if a tricked-out Camaro can really outgun a stock Mustang." said Chuck.

"Stock and slightly damaged." said Betty.

The Camaro raced into a turn with the Mustang hot on its heels. J.J. nodded as the Ford kept pace with his Chevy on the twisting mountain roads. Chuck laughed a little as he managed to stay with him.

J.J. took another turn and passed the entrance to a state park. Just then, Chuck's Mustang started to lose power.

"Shit!" yelled Chuck as several warning lights lit up on the Mustang's instrument panel. He eased it to the side of the road.

"Let me guess. The oil pump." said Betty.

"Damn right!" yelled Chuck. He then kicked the firewall and yelled "Come on!"

----------

In Kentucky, Terry was taking the Chevelle for a test drive with Chip in the passenger seat. A camera truck for "Overhaulin'" followed alongside.

"Chip, you're a genius." said Terry. "You're a genius and a master."

"Thanks." said Chip. "So, what are your plans for the car?"

"I don't know." said Terry, lying. "Maybe I'll display it in the middle of the shop. Maybe I'll drive it to a few shows. Maybe I'll use it as a daily driver."

"Maybe you'll enter it in the Cannonball." said Chip.

Terry plowed on the brakes and the camera truck overshot them. "What?" he asked.

"It's alright." said Chip. "Mel told me about it."

Terry got moving again.

"I just want to wish you good luck." said Chip. "I've done my part by fixing up your car. The rest is up to you and according to Mel, you should be perfectly skilled for it."

"And you're okay with this?" asked Terry.

"My son's name is Brock, right?" said Chip.

"Wow." said Terry.

A few minutes later, Terry returned to the dealership. Chris, co-host Adrienne Janic, and the build team were grouped together on one side of the room. Mel, Sarah, and Claude were on the other side with the camera crew. Terry parked between the two sides and he and Chip climbed out.

"So, how was it?" asked Sarah.

"Excellent." said Terry. "I think this is going to be our best Cannonball yet. Sure I can't convince you to come, Mel?"

"My mind's made up." said Mel. "Last year was it. I've got a son now. I have to prioritize."

"Alright, if you say so." said Terry. "Thanks for calling the show, by the way. They really made this special."

"Terry, there's just one more thing." said Chris as he pointed to a cue card.

"I know what this is." said Terry.

Everybody in the room gathered and looked into the camera.

Chris said "Okay, read the cue card aloud in three, two, one..."

Terry read the card. "My name is Terry and I've been Overhauled." he announced.

----------

Days later in Stone Ridge...

"Good thing you brought it to us." said J.J. as he looked under the hood of the Mustang. "You really needed a new oil pump."

"And new headers, exhaust, intake, supercharger from the looks of it." said Chuck.

J.J. closed the hood on the Mustang which was now customized like it was in chapter one.

"And don't get me started on the new paint job, vinyls, body kit, and rims." said J.J. "Then, there's the interior."

"You touched up the interior?" said Chuck. "Thanks a bunch."

"In here, we've got Villain Racing Rush seats," said J.J. "a Simoni X4 steering wheel, and a Simoni leather shift knob. Also, I've installed XM satellite radio."

"Serious?" asked Chuck.

"No, XM." said J.J. "I've got Sirius in the Camaro."

"Nice work." said Chuck. "Let's go discus how I'm going to reward you for that work."

"It's really very overwhelming." said Betty. "One day, I'm wondering what I'm going to do without a job. The next, I'm poring over Bloomingdales catalogs."

"You're kidding." said Pamela. "Maybe you'd like to try investing in some causes or funds. You know, like trees?"

"I'll give it a thought." said Betty.

"And so, for that reason, I think it's best that we not see each other until the race is over." said Victor.

"Well, that's actually a pretty valid reason." said Lisa. "I guess this is it until then."

"Hey, don't worry." said Victor. "It's only like a month and a half. Surely, we can wait."

----------

In Atlantic City, New Jersey, Blake was meeting with the Cannonball race officials.

"Mr. Blake, in response to your actions last year," said one official "we should ban you from the race for life. However, we felt it wouldn't look right if the race's winner wasn't allowed to return the following year."

"I understand and I apologize for my actions." said Blake. "I also thank you for your generosity in allowing myself and Mr. Fenderbaum to compete again. Mr. Fenderbaum isn't here right now, but I'm sure he shares my sentiments."

"The two of you are being let back in on a provisional basis." said the official. "You will be allowed to race, but you will be immediately disqualified if you pull something like the last two years. That means no reporting your competition's activities to the police, no offering them to criminal masterminds, and for God's sake, please leave J.J. McClure alone."

"I understand and I will comply." said Blake.

Blake then walked outside where Fenderbaum was waiting in the passenger seat of the NSX.

"How'd it go?" asked Fenderbaum as Blake got into the driver's seat.

"Better than I thought." said Blake. "We're racing again, but we can't do any of the stuff we did the last two years."

"Maybe it's better this way." said Fenderbaum.

"Right now, it's the only way." said Blake. "So, I'm going to be on my best behavior. You'd better do so too."

"If I have to." said Fenderbaum.

The officials watched them drive off.

"I think you left out something." said another official.

"What?" asked the one who spoke with Blake.

"That you were going to talk to the other Cannonballers about leaving Mr. Blake and Mr. Fenderbaum alone." said the second official.

"For good reason." said the first. "I'm not going to talk to them about that."

----------

In Poughkeepsie, Miss Whitaker stormed into J.C's office.

"I think Prescott could present a problem." she said.

"What was your first hint?" asked J.C. "His rejection of all of our proposals or the fact that we're a regular punchline on 'Woodman In The Morning'?"

AN:I'll admit this is a rather localized reference. "Woodman In The Morning" was the morning show on WSPK-FM (aka K104) in Poughkeepsie. Woodman left the station in June of 2006 for the midwest.

"We need to do something about him." said Whitaker. "Many of our projects, including the Westfield Project, could be seriously jeopardized if he were to get involved with them."

"I know, I know." said J.C. "I've already begun taking steps towards removing him as a threat to our company."

"What are you going to do?" asked Whitaker. "He's been in charge for one week and he's already cost us four hundred, fifty thousand dollars."

"I've called in a consultant to deal with this." said J.C. "We'll be meeting with him shortly."

"Our lawyers have already exhausted all of our legal options." said Whitaker. "Who is your consultant? A financial advisor? A publicist?"

"Someone less legal." said J.C.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" said Whitaker as she realized what he meant.

The intercom came on. "Mr. Carlson, there's a Frankie Thunder here to see you." said his receptionist.

J.C. pushed a button on the intercom and said "Send him in."

A second later, the door opened and Frankie walked in. "Boy this is a nice spread you've got here." he said. "I bet you could see Kingston from this office."

"Miss Whitaker, meet Frankie Thunder." said J.C. "Last year, he had an encounter with the Cannonball Run. That's the race that Prescott regularly takes part in, even this year."

"So, what's the deal?" asked Frankie.

The receptionist came over the intercom again. "Mr. Carlson, there's a Rocco Henry here to see you."

"Send him in." said J.C. "Frankie, I'd like you to meet your partner."

Rocco walked through the door and said "G'Day."

"Frankie, this is Rocco." said J.C. "Two years ago, the Cannonball Run was done in his native Australia. His boss, Big Donnie Cannaglio, tried to kidnap one of them and was arrested as a result."

"How'd you get off?" asked Frankie.

"We hired the law firm of 'Zuckercorn, Lizer, and Jarvis' for the trial." said Rocco. "I got Jarvis who turned out to be the only true professional out of them. He found a weakness in the evidence chain and successfully exploited it. At least, that's the best of my understanding."

"Gentlemen, shall we get down to business?" asked J.C.

----------

In Boston, Michael talked on the phone while Jackie and Prof. Weathers looked over the still unmodified pickup.

"So, this is the Raider." said Weathers. "This thing just might save Mitsubishi in this country."

"Well, that's the plan at least." said Jackie.

"I'll bet you have some unbelievable plans for this thing." said Weathers.

"We do." said Jackie. "We're going to rig up a hydraulic system to swtich between low riding for on the road and high ground clearance for off road."

"Dual purpose. I like it." said Weathers.

"We also thought that we'd do the others a favor by monkeying with the police department's computer systems." said Jackie. "Michael's working on that as well."

"I may have to disqualify you for having an unfair advantage." said Weathers.

Michael hung up the phone. "Okay, the hydraulics system is on its way." he said. "However, we have to find some way of mounting it without risking hurting the computer."

"With an entire pickup bed, you should have no trouble." said Weathers. "How else are you planning on modifying this?"

"Brush guard, rollbar." said Michael. "Also, we're keeping with tradition and painting it black."

"Just like the last three years." said Weathers. "What excuse did you give Brad last year?"

"Same thing we told the guys at Mitsubishi." said Jackie. "We told him that we painted the Subaru black for the same reasons as the SR-71 Blackbird and Mitsubishi painted the Eclipse black for that reason as well."

Weathers laughed. "And they bought that?" he asked.

"Apparently so." said Michael. "I didn't have the heart to tell them the Subaru was black when we bought it."

----------

And back in Poughkeepsie...

"And now many of our projects are in danger of being cancelled due to Prescott's meddling." said J.C. "The mission I am hiring you guys for is to assassinate Prescott while he takes part in the Cannonball Run. I am aware you have both been involved with this race in the past."

"Yeah, but last year, I was trying to protect the Cannonballers." said Frankie. "This year, you want me to kill one of them? I'm not sure if I can do that."

"I'll do it." said Rocco. "You can just drive."

Frankie sighed. "What does this guy look like?" he asked.

"He had to have his picture taken for our security passes." said Whitaker as she took out Chuck's picture and handed it to him. "He'll most likely be racing with his wife. They have a white Mustang."

"Kinda looks like that bloke from that Jennifer Lopez movie." said Rocco.

"The starting line is the Portofino Inn in Redondo Beach, California." said J.J. "The race starts on July first."

"Canada Day." said Frankie.

"You now have your assignment and the information needed to accomplish it." said J.C. "You may go do that now. Go."

Frankie and Rocco made their way to the parking lot. Rocco's Holden Commodore was waiting for them.

"So, what were you doing with the Cannonball last year?" asked Rocco.

"I accidentally kidnapped a couple of them while trying to bust a criminal out of his transport." said Frankie. "After that, they hired me to find out who was ratting them out to the cops and I did that. You?"

"Long story. Don't ask." said Rocco as he opened the driver's side door.

----------

In Corona, California, Rob's Mini Cooper was being worked on at West Coast Customs. Outside, Rob and Big Bison were setting up a mini-skate park to give a demonstration.

Rob launched himself down a ramp and up a similar one. Most of the WCC crew was there except for Danny who was modifying the engine.

Rob went up on a half pipe and did a rail slide on the lip. Inside, Alex combined a set of wheels with new tires.

Rob went up the ramp and did a 720-degree spin in the air. When he came back down, his front truck caught the lip of the ramp and he spilled. Bison and the crew moaned as he tried to get up.

"And that is why you always wear pads." said Rob as he brushed himself off.

Inside, Cesar, Ish, and Big Dane worked on the car's interior.

"Can you believe it?" asked Ish. "The one and only Rob Falcon is out there entertaining the troops while we do his car."

"At least his checks don't bounce." said Cesar.

"You got that right." said Big Dane.

Rob entered the shop after finishing his demonstration.

"Okay, Rob." said Ryan, WCC owner. "As you know, we do top of the line work at West Coast Customs, even on a car this small."

"I didn't chose this car for size," said Rob "I chose it for performance. Eccentricity played a part as well."

"Well, we improved the performance." said Ryan. "We also made it a little more eccentric. Check it out."

The cover was pulled off of the Mini. The car was given a body kit in addition to the new wheels and tires. It was also painted pearl white and green and orange stripes had been painted on the sides.

"Holy cow." said Rob.

"That is nice." said Bison.

"I thought you'd like it." said Ryan. "First, since you're getting this prepped for the Cannonball, you'd probably like to see what we've done to enhance its performance. Under the hood, we've added in new spark plug wires, K&N intake, Borla exhaust, even an FMS intercooler. We also threw in a short shifter from Alta Mini. For handling, we've got a coil-over suspension kit from SPAX and a Cobalt rear seat chassis bar.

"Sounds cool." said Rob.

"Here, let me show you that chassis bar." said Ryan as he went to the rear and opened the hatch. "As you can see, we also had to take the new sound system from Kicker into account when we placed the bar."

"What's that?" asked Bison. "It looks like a gun rack."

"It's actually a skateboard rack." said Ryan. "That's where you can place your board when you're in transit to the park. We even have slots for two more if you're so inclined."

"You're too kind." said Rob.

"As for the visual upgrades," said Ryan "we've added in an Erebuni Shogun body kit, complete with spoiler. The wheels are Volk CE28N's mounted on Toyo Proxes tires."

Rob let out a whistle. "For a little bit, I was starting to worry I wouldn't like it." he said as he took out his checkbook. "I guess I was wrong. Good thing since I have to get to the airport in two and a half hours to pick up my other teammate."

As Rob filled out the check, Bison checked his watch and looked worried. "Uh, Rob." he said. "We actually have one hour to pick up Patrick at the airport."

"No, according to my watch, we have..." said Rob as he checked his watch. "Why isn't the second hand moving?" Suddenly, something dawned on him. "Oh crap, my watch broke!"

"Must've happened when you took that spill." said Bison.

"Go ahead." said Ryan as he took the check. "I'll fill this out. Don't worry, I won't overcharge you."

"Thanks." said Rob.

Within minutes, he was on the highway weaving around traffic while "Pedal To The Metal" by Kazzer played over the stereo.

"I paid $500 for this stupid watch and it won't even survive a high-impact spill!" said Rob as he cut around a slow-moving Volvo.

"I didn't see how much you paid for this thing and I hope it survives a high-impact spill." said Bison.

"No problem." said Rob. "Hey, how's our passenger doing?"

Bison looked into the backseat. Terry's garden gnome was securely belted into the driver's side.

"He's fine." said Bison.

Rob cruised down the next straightaway until he found the exit for LAX. Unfortunately, he was still in the fast lane and had to cut across two lanes of traffic to make the exit.

On the runway, a 747 with markings for Ireland's national airline, Aer Lingus, touched down and made its way to the terminal.

Rob raced up to the front of the airport and swerved into a parking space. Luckily, the car was short enough to make the tiny gap. The two men inside climbed out.

Inside the airport, Patrick grabbed a large duffel bag off of the baggage conveyor, opened it, and took out a skateboard. He dropped it on the floor and used it to skate across the concourse. He stopped on a step on the escalator and rode it to the lower level.

A security guard in front of him turned around and looked at him, then said "Sir, there's no skateboarding in this building."

Patrick just shook his head and muttered something in Gaelic. The guard shook his head and walked away at the bottom. Patrick looked around and saw Rob and Bison. Rob was holding up one of Patrick's skateboard decks.

Patrick skated over to him and rattled off something else in Gaelic.

"Patrick, you know as well as I do that you speak English." said Rob.

"Well, it's about time someone realized that." said Patrick as he stepped off his board. "So, did you bring the car?"

"Right out here." said Rob.

Rob and Bison led him outside to the Mini.

"I know it's British, but I thought it would work for the race." said Rob.

"It's good. It's no problem." said Patrick. "I'm from Dublin, not Belfast. I'm a little surprised you got it into this tight a space though."

"Well, they call it Mini for a reason." said Bison as Rob opened the rear hatch.

Patrick handed him his board, then went over to the door and climbed in. As Rob and Bison were climbing in, he looked over and saw the gnome.

"Uh, you're aware there's a garden gnome back here, right?" he said.

"Yeah." said Rob as he fastened his seat belt.

"Okay, just checking." said Patrick.

"That thing makes me a little nervous." said Rob. "Just before I took it, I told the owner I was going to win the race."

"Oh, why'd you go and do that?" asked Patrick. "You know we're in this for kicks only."

----------

In Chicago, Ron and the Drake looked at the demolished front end of the Drake's BMW M3.

"I've skipped so many heartbeats in this car." said Ron.

"Don't worry, we'll get some revenge soon." said the Drake. "I've called him. He's coming."

"That would explain why he said he was already coming when I called him." said Ron.

The two of them heard a dull roar. They walked into the driveway. Seconds later, a blue '69 Oldsmobile 4-4-2 with white stripes pulled in and stopped right in front of them. The engine was shut down and Venom climbed out.

"Mr. Drake." he said. "We meet again. Need additional protection another year?"

"Not exactly." said the Drake as he pointed to the front of the M3. "Relax, it was parked when this happened."

"Who did that?" asked Venom.

"An old friend." said Ron. "You remember him from last year. Brad?"

"Damn, that son of a bitch just doesn't give up, huh?" asked Venom.

"No, but luckily, neither do I." said the Drake.

"Where is this guy?" asked Venom.

"We're not sure where he is." said Ron. "But we have a feeling as to where he's going to be."

"Brad did this with a Chrysler 300." said the Drake. "According to my security video, it was an SRT-8. That's some serious horsepower. He knows my activities. He's going to be waiting for me at one. He's going to take me on in the Cannonball."

"Well, great!" said Venom. "Let's all pile into the 4-4-2 and get going."

"Sorry to disappoint you." said the Drake. "I have something else for this little party on four wheels." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a garage door opener. He pushed the button and the garage door opened.

"You know, I thought these high class garage door openers just vaporized the door." said Venom. He looked into the garage and froze in awe.

Inside was a jet black BMW.

"There's our ride." said Ron.

"I see you upgraded to the 6-series." said Venom as he started to walk around the car.

"It's not just a 6-series." said the Drake. "In fact, many consider it to be another series entirely."

"What do you..." asked Venom before he saw the trunklid. "No way. This is an M6?"

"Accept no substitute." said the Drake. "Now, we can go."

"Hey, Venom." said Ron. "Nice to be working with you again."

----------

Elsewhere in Chicago, Brad was getting the Chrysler fixed.

"You really did a number on this rear bumper." said his mechanic. "What the hell did you hit?"

"BMW." said Brad.

"How badly was he damaged?" asked the mechanic.

"Expensively, I hope." said Brad.

Susan walked over. "We're not going to customize it?" she asked.

"No, I think it looks good as it is." said Brad.

"Look, I went over your records." said Susan. "Your little revenge trip against the Drake could prove quite costly."

"And worth every penny." said Brad. "I trust you'll help me to that end."

"Of course." said Susan. "You know I know all his secrets. I've been in contact with his financial records as of last week."

"Good to know." said Brad. "Listen, I thought of something that will hurt him a little more. Are you willing to hear this?"

"Sure thing." said Susan.

----------

In Miami, Danny leaned against the window in his office at the Kiwi Club. He looked out at his Lotus Elise in the parking lot.

Behind him, Mad Dog stood in the doorway. "Still looking over the new car?" he asked.

"Sure am." said Danny. "She's a real beauty, too. I think I might have a chance this year."

"Hope this year goes better for you than last year." said Mad Dog. "And I'm not talking about the race."

"Yeah, I know you're talking about this." said Danny as he pulled up his shirt to reveal the scars from his kidney transplant operation.

"So, thanks for letting us use your club for the finish line." said Mad Dog.

"No problem." said Danny as he pulled his shirt back down.

"There's one thing though." said Mad Dog. "You have anyone chosen for a passenger?"

"Not yet." said Danny. "Who's gonna be at my side?"

"Come on, I'll show you." said Mad Dog.

He led Danny into the main room of the club. Batman was sitting at the bar.

"Danny, you remember Batman." said Mad Dog.

"Yeah, I do." said Danny.

Batman jumped off his stool and walked over to him. "Nice to see you again, Mitch." he said as he extended his hand.

"How you doing, Batman?" asked Danny.

"Fine." said Batman. "Is it just me or this place dead in the daytime?"

"That's why they call it a NIGHTclub." said Danny.

"I suppose that would make sense." said Batman.

"I'll let you two get acquainted." said Mad Dog as he left.

"So, excited?" asked Danny.

"You bet." said Batman. "So, I've heard there was a major scene here in Miami. Are you a part of it?"

Danny got visibly angered. "I am not a part of this scene you talk about!" he growled. "I live in Miami. I like that kind of music. That means I'm part of this scene?"

"Alright." said Batman. "So you don't street race."

Danny then calmed down. "Oh, that scene." he said, slightly embarrassed. "I thought...I thought you were talking about something else. Sorry. No, I don't street race."


	4. Celebration

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 4: Celebration

Weeks later, the race was about to begin. The racers gathered at the Portofino Inn with their cars. The latest to show up was Rob Falcon and his team.

"Are you sure we're ready to do this?" asked Patrick.

"We're all set." said Rob. "I've been boning up my driving skills to the point where I can run with these guys. Besides, we're only in this to run, not win, so that pressure's off."

"Yes, I know that and I'm learning to live with it." said Patrick. "What I meant is if we covered all of Los Angeles with this little guy." he said as he tapped the garden gnome.

"I think we have." said Bison as he took out the photographs they took of the gnome. "Look at this. We've got him at the Queen Mary, the Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach, Mann's Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, the Watts Towers, the La Brea Tar Pits...what's this?"

He looked at one picture he didn't know had been taken, then looked at Patrick and Rob.

"Hey, you were the first to fall asleep." said Patrick.

----------

Several other teams of Cannonballers gathered in the bar. They were watching Terry's episode of "Overhaulin'". Specificly, they were watching him test drive the Chevelle.

"Just last week, Terry thought this car might not run again." narrated Chris. "Now, it's running better than ever."

Terry suddenly hit the brakes.

"Good enough for a surprise brake check." narrated Chris.

As Terry returned to the shop and thanked all of those who contributed to the build, Monkey turned to Marcie and said "I saw that thing and I thought it wouldn't run again."

"And you didn't see it wreck." said Marcie.

"After all that, there's only one thing to say." narrated Chris.

On television, Terry looked into the camera and said "My name is Terry and I've been Overhauled."

Jackie looked over his shoulder at the parking lot and saw Terry pull in with his newly fixed up Chevelle. "Here he comes!" he said.

The Cannonballers all turned to face the entrance. The bartender turned off the television and popped a tape out of the VCR.

A few minutes later, Terry and Sarah entered wearing "Overhaulin'" t-shirts. The entire room cheered their entrance.

Monkey started waving his fists in the air and chanting "I am...gasoline."

"Alright, alright!" laughed Terry. "I see you all caught 'Overhaulin'' last week."

"Taped it!" yelled Jill.

"Saw you as you pulled in. Looks great." said Jackie.

"Yeah." said Michael. Everyone applauded.

"Thanks, guys." said Sarah. "Like you'd expect anything less from Chip Foose."

"Hey, you blokes ready for the party tonight?" asked Jessie.

"I guess so." said Terry.

"I'm not so sure about the theme." said Sarah.

----------

In the lounge, Danny and Batman were setting up for the pre-race party under Mad Dog's watchful eye.

Batman took the microphone and said "Testing, testing, one two." After hearing his voice come through loud and clear, he leaned into the mic and sang "Soy...un perdedor. I'm a loser, baby."

"That's good. That's good." laughed Danny.

"Whatcha got there, Danny boy?" asked Mad Dog.

"Just the invitations for the party." he said. He handed them to Mad Dog.

"I'd like you to print one more." said Mad Dog. "But leave this part out here."

"But that's the main thing." said Danny.

"I know." said Mad Dog. "That's why I want you to leave it out."

"This is the theme of the party." said Danny. "If the recipient misses this vital part, they'll look like morons at the party."

"It's for Blake and Fenderbaum." said Mad Dog.

"I'll get right on it." said Danny.

----------

That night in their hotel room, Blake straightened his shirt and jacket. He walked over to Fenderbaum. "Ready for the party?" he asked.

"I'm not so sure about that." said Fenderbaum. "We should probably skip this party since the whole room hates us."

"Relax, they'll be tickled to death to see us." said Blake.

They rode the elevator to the ground floor where the lounge was.

"Okay, we'll show up, make our appearance, and leave." said Blake. "How does that sound?"

"Just great." said Fenderbaum.

"Then that's what we'll do." said Blake.

He reached for the doorknob for the lounge and opened it. They were surprised to see the room was full of people dressed in 80s outfits. "Lucky One" by Laura Branigan was playing over the sound system.

"I think something was left out of our invitation." said Fenderbaum.

"That or we hit a time warp in the elevator." said Blake.

Marcie danced over to them while wearing leg warmers, a blue lace skirt, a brown angora sweater, a phone cord belt, and a denim jacket and had her hair combed over to one side. "Hey, guys." she said. "You have no idea how ridiculous you look right now."

Blake and Fenderbaum made their way to the bar. They found Mad Dog there wearing a Members Only jacket.

"Hey, guys." he said. "What's with the outfits?"

"We weren't aware we needed them." said Fenderbaum.

"Oh, that's right." said Mad Dog. "You weren't given the full invitation. This is what we gave to everyone else." He took out a copy of the standard invitation. Taking up a good portion of the center was "80s themed-wear your best 80s outfit."

"Son of a bitch." said Blake.

"Well, I got guests to greet." said Mad Dog. He got up and left.

"Try to grow your jehri curls while you're at it." said Fenderbaum.

"Can't believe they screwed us like that." said Blake.

"I told you there was still bad blood in there." said Fenderbaum.

"What'll you have?" asked the bartender.

"I'll have a new Coke." said Fenderbaum.

Jackie and Michael walked over to them dressed like 80s geeks. "Hey, Blake." said Jackie. "Where's your 80s outfit?"

"I forgot." said Blake.

"You forgot?" asked Michael. "It was all over the invitation."

"I forgot! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!" said Blake.

----------

Compared to many of the other party-goers, J.J. and Pamela were dressed rather conservatively. They just had their hair in 80s styles and were wearing shirts from the decade.

"This was a pretty cool theme." said Pamela. "Who came up with this?"

"I'm guessing Danny." said J.J.

Victor and Lisa walked over similarly dressed. "Hey, guys." he said. "Did you see Marcie? Talk about going overboard."

"Uh, Victor, what is she doing here?" asked J.J.

"Oh, it's okay." said Lisa. "I'm here as a partygoer, not a race official."

"I thought I suggested holding off until the race is over." said J.J.

"I'm also here as a partygoer and not Victor's girlfriend." said Lisa.

"Oh, I guess that's somewhat okay." said J.J. "So, what's going on?"

"Well, on top of what Marcie was wearing, you should have seen Blake and Fenderbaum." said Victor. "They left the theme out of their invite and they showed up looking really out of place."

"They didn't." laughed J.J.

"They did." said Victor.

"Well, I have to check on the others." said Lisa. "See you soon."

"So, what is it you see in her?" asked Pamela.

"We have a lot in common." said Victor. "Similar backgrounds, similar insecurities, similar...escapes."

J.J. tensed up. "Define escapes." he said.

----------

Out in the parking lot, Rob and Patrick assisted in building a miniature skate park. Unlike the other Cannonballers (except for Blake and Fenderbaum), they wore modern clothes.

"Okay, they're almost done." said Rob.

"Then we can give that demonstration we promised." said Patrick. "I'm surprised the hotel manager let us do this."

"He was okay with it." said Rob. "The only problem is we have to take it down by morning."

"One little question." said Patrick. "If we're out here building a skate park, how are we going to get ready for the party?"

"That's easy." said Rob. "We're not going to the party."

"We're not going to the party?" asked Bison who was wearing a bandana, acid-washed jeans, an Izod shirt, and an 8-ball jacket.

----------

Back at the party, Batman was DJing. His only piece of 80s clothing was a pair of sunglasses that were twice as wide as his head.

Danny walked over wearing a dark blue and white windbreaker. "How's the party going?" he asked.

"Sweet." said Batman. "I played some requests, played some favorites. Good time is had by all."

"Good to hear." said Danny. "Well, I'm off to great the guests."

"Hold on." said Batman. He walked over to Danny and grabbed his hand. He then used his other hand to push up Danny's sleeve past the elbow. He then did the same with the other sleeve, then flipped up Danny's collar.

"Thanks." said Danny.

"No prob." said Batman. He went back to the booth and put on the next song. It was "Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel.

At the table occupied by Jill and Marcie's team, Monkey tensed when he heard the song.

"Oh, give me a break." said Jill.

"I don't see what the problem is." said Jessie. "Just because your bloke's name is in the song title..."

"It's not that simple." said Monkey. "Back in high school, the other kids would make fun of me. And they'd sing that song."

"Oh, you poor thing." said Marcie.

"Sometimes, they'd use George Michael's 'Monkey'." said Monkey. "Sometimes, they'd just scratch their armpits while grunting."

"Maybe you should've hit back." said Steve.

"Like crapping in your hand and throwing it at them." said Pete as he took a sip of his drink.

Jill kicked him under the table and he almost choked on an ice cube. He spit it out and said "Not nice."

----------

At the bar, the Drake and Ron looked over the crowd. They were dressed normally, but still managed to blend in.

"See him yet?" asked the Drake.

"Not yet." said Ron. "Unless he didn't actually enter the race, he's no doubt in this room."

"He entered." said the Drake. "It's just the way his twisted mind works."

Venom walked over to them also dressed normally. "Boy, I almost didn't recognize you, you're dressed so differently." he said.

"See Brad yet?" asked the Drake.

"No, but this looks like a good vantage point." said Venom. "We'll find him sooner or later."

"Sooner." said Ron. He pointed and said "There he is."

Brad snuck through the crowd wearing a white suit with a pink shirt underneath. Susan was with him wearing a green dress with a dark green bolero jacket over it.

"This is the end of the hunt." said the Drake. "Let's follow them and trap them somewhere."

----------

Chuck strolled up to the D.J. booth. He was dressed relatively conservatively. "Hey, Batman." he said. "How about a request?"

Betty, also dressed conservatively, was sitting with J.J, Pamela, and Victor. "Chuck says that after this, we'll be taking a second honeymoon." she said. "We're thinking maybe Aruba or Barbados."

Chuck walked over to them. "Hey, honey." he said.

"Hey, sweetie." said Betty. "I was just telling J.J. and Pamela about our second honeymoon."

"Good." said Chuck. "I just put in a certain request."

"For what?" asked Betty.

Just then, "The Promise" by When In Rome started to play.

"Why are they playing the end song from 'Napoleon Dynamite'?" asked Jackie.

"Wanna get up and dance?" asked Chuck.

Betty got up and danced with him.

**If you need a friend,  
don't look to a stranger.  
You know in the end,  
I'll always be there.**

**And when you're in doubt,  
and when you're in danger,  
take a look all around,  
and I will be there.**

**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  
(I promise)  
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.  
(I promise)  
And if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me.  
I promise you, I promise you I will.**

By now, the crowd had parted to watch Chuck and Betty dance. It was then that Rob and Patrick entered.

**When your day is through,  
and so is your temper,  
you know what to do.  
I'll always be there.**

**Sometimes, if I shout,  
it's not what's intended.  
These words just come out,  
with no gripe to bear.**

**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  
(I promise)  
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.  
(I promise)  
And if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me.  
I promise you, I promise you.**

**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  
(I promise)  
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.  
(I promise)  
And if I had to walk the world to make you fall for me,  
I promise you, I promise you I will.**

"Should we invite these guys outside yet?" asked Rob.

"Let's wait 'til the song finishes first." said Patrick.

"Good idea." said Rob.

**I gotta tell ya.  
I need to tell ya.  
I gotta tell ya.  
I gotta tell ya...**

**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  
(I promise)  
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.  
(I promise)  
And if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me.  
I promise you, I promise you.**

**I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.  
(I promise)  
I know they don't wound the way I planned them to be.  
(I promise)  
And if I had to walk the world to make you fall for me,  
I promise you, I promise you I will.**

**I will.  
I will.  
I will.**

The crowd burst into applause.

"Thank you!" said Chuck. "We're here until the race starts."

"Speaking of things starting," said Rob "Patrick and I have decided to put on a skateboarding demonstration. That's taking place outside. Come on."

----------

"Don't you want to attend the skateboard show?" asked Susan as she and Brad snuck through the back hallway.

"The less time I spend around those hooligans, the better." said Brad.

Venom stepped out of a doorway in front of them. "Going somewhere?" he asked.

Brad and Susan turned around and started to run, only to see Ron and the Drake in their way.

"Drake." said Brad. "How are you? I wasn't aware you'd be here."

"You know I'm here whenever there's a race." said the Drake. "I had a feeling you'd be here to show me up again. I just wanted to give you this."

He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Brad.

"What is this?" asked Brad.

"It's a bill for the repairs on my M3 4-door." said the Drake. "Since you caused the damage, I thought it would be your duty to compensate me."

"You're expecting me to pay for the damages to your BMW?" asked Brad.

"M3 4-door." said the Drake. "I've got a dozen Bimmers. You have to be specific with the model."

"He's rich. Remember?" said Ron.

Brad ripped up the bill and tossed the pieces into the Drake's face. "How about that?" he asked.

The Drake smiled, scratched his nose, then grabbed Brad by his jacket and threw up against the wall.

"If he can do that, what does he need us for?" asked Venom.

"You know, your behavior is getting out of hand!" said the Drake. "At first, it was fine. You make a ridiculous bet, I counter it. I make a wager, you match it. Now, you are openly attacking me? What are you doing?"

"Let him go, Seymour." ordered Susan.

"You stay out of this, Susan." said the Drake. "Brad, I don't know what you're up to, but I'm not going to take this vandalism lying down."

"Drake, put my husband down now!" snapped Susan.

The Drake, Ron, and Venom looked at her in shock. "What?" whispered the Drake.

"We got married in Vegas on the way in." said Susan.

The Drake turned back to Brad, released him, and spat "Really?"

Brad took a breath and nodded.

The Drake glared at him, then asked "So, where are you registered? 'Cause, I gotta apologize. I didn't get you anything."

"Mr. Drake!" said Ron.

"But you still owe me for the damage to my car!" said the Drake.

"Stop it!" said Susan. "Look, there's only one way we're going to solve this. Drake, are you in the race?"

"Yes." said the Drake.

"Perfect." said Susan. "The way to solve this is to race each other. If the Drake wins, Brad, you have to pay for his car. Drake, if Brad wins, you have to overlook the whole incident. Do we have a deal?"

"I guess." said the Drake.

"I accept the challenge." said Brad.

"Good." said Susan. "Now, grow up."

----------

Outside, Rob and Patrick stood atop a half-pipe and looked over the crowd.

"Thank you for showing up for this demonstration." said Rob.

"Basicly, what we're going to do is show how we do what we do." said Patrick.

"What did I miss?" asked Professor Weathers as he ran over.

"Nothing yet." said Jackie.

"We're also going to show our appreciation for your attendance by putting on our best moves." said Rob. "However, we have no appreciation for those of you who decided to park their cars in front of the walkways."

"Come on, guys. People have to use those." said Patrick. "I'm talking directly to the guys in the blue 300C, the white Audi S8, and the red Miata."

"MX-5!" yelled Marcie.

"Any requests?" yelled Batman as he went to a stereo system set up.

"There's something in there already. Play it." said Patrick.

Batman hit the play button and the Bangles' "Hazy Shade of Winter" began to play.

"The Bangles?" asked Rob.

"You've got your tunes, I've got mine." said Patrick.

Patrick rolled down the half-pipe quickly and shot up the other side. When he reached the top, he performed a 720 degree spin in the air and landed back on the half-pipe. He then came back up the other side a few feet down from Rob. While Patrick did a rail slide, Rob joined him.

Rob rolled down the half-pipe and up the other side. Meanwhile, Patrick's section had turned into a quarter-pipe with a ramp that sat next to a pair of pickup trucks. Rob flipped his board in the air while Patrick went off the ramp and jumped the pickup trucks. On the other side, he landed on a platform and continued to a staircase with a railing in the center. At the stairs, he jumped his board onto the railing and did a rail slide. He then returned to the half-pipe while Rob repeated his routine.

"That looks easy enough." said Pete. He ran over to the half-pipe.

"Pete, don't!" yelled Jill.

Pete climbed the ladder to the top of the half-pipe and looked around for a skateboard. He couldn't find one. Below him, Patrick was going up on the sides of the half-pipe trying to reach the top. He was largely succeeding. Pete waited intently.

"Don't do it, Pete. Don't." whispered Jessie.

"I hope he doesn't do what I think he's going to do." said J.J.

Finally, Patrick reached the top of the half-pipe on Pete's side. "Can I borrow this? Thanks!" said Pete as he pulled the board out from under him. Luckily, he was able to land on his knees and slide to the bottom.

"No, Pete! Don't do it!" yelled Steve.

Ignoring him, Pete launched himself down the half-pipe. At the top of the other side, he tried to do a trick, but failed. Things went downhill from there. He went back up the other side into the quarter-pipe section and tried to get off at the top. He failed again and rolled down to the ramp. He flew off the ramp and fell into one of the pickup beds. The skateboard went flying and breaking glass was heard.

Monkey cringed while Marcie covered her mouth in shock. Steve ran over to get him. Bison was already helping Pete out of the bed.

"Next time, leave it to the pros." said Rob.

"I'm getting there." said Pete.

"What is his problem?" asked Pamela.

Professor Weathers walked back from the parking lot with the skateboard. "I believe this is yours." he said as he handed it to Patrick.

"Thank you." said Patrick. Bison handed him a magic marker and he started to write something on the board.

"Oh, and to whoever is driving the black 350Z," said Weathers "I know a good shop that does quick windshield replacement work."

Patrick handed the signed board to Pete.

"Thank you." said Pete. Then, he looked at the board and said "Wait, a restraining order?"

"You know, I hope you're paying to repair that windshield." said Marcie.

"Alright!" said Pete as he walked by.

"Boy, that sucked." said Michael as he walked away. The rest of the crowd followed suit until just J.J, Pamela, Jill, and Marcie remained.

"What do you want, McClure?" asked Marcie.

"What's the deal with Pete all of a sudden?" asked J.J. "He wasn't like this two years ago."

"I knew this was going to come up." said Jill. She took out a picture and handed it to J.J. "This was Pete's car."

J.J. and Pamela looked at the picture. It showed a blue Toyota Corolla Levin street racer. The right side was completely mangled.

"What happened?" asked J.J.

"He sideswiped a truck during a race." said Marcie. "And if that doesn't look scary enough, keep in mind that's a JDM. The driver sits on the right."

"So, he had a front row seat to the crash." said Pamela.

"Yeah, and ever since then, he's had some kind of death wish." said Jill.

"We're trying to get him over it before it kills him." said Marcie. "Unfortunately, the five of us aren't having a lot of luck."

"And these incidents are increasing?" asked J.J.

"Everyday." said Jill. "I'm really starting to worry."

----------

The next morning, Blake and Fenderbaum laid in their beds. Blake slowly opened his eyes and glanced at the alarm clock, then slowly closed them. Then, he quickly opened them and sat up in shock.

"Fenderbaum!" he yelled. He jumped out of bed and tried shaking Fenderbaum awake. "Fenderbaum, wake up!"

"No school." mumbled Fenderbaum as he awoke.

"Fenderbaum, you have to get up!" said Blake. "We've only got two hours before the race starts!"

"What?" said Fenderbaum as he jumped out of bed. "Weren't we supposed to get a wake-up call?"

"I'll find out what happened to it." said Blake.

----------

A few minutes later, Blake and Fenderbaum stormed down to the parking lot and found Ron and the Drake.

"Drake!" yelled Blake.

"Blake!" said the Drake. "Did you ever notice our names rhyme?"

"Did you cancel our wake-up call?" asked Fenderbaum.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." said the Drake.

"Now, thanks to you, we only have an hour and a half to prepare for the race." said Blake.

"And thanks to you, Mr. Drake was kidnapped by an Australian gangster and held for ransom." said Ron.

"Well, if you're going to hold a grudge." said Fenderbuam.

"And you're going to have to prepare." said the Drake. He turned to face the parking lot and yelled "Brad!" He then walked over to him. "Hell of a honeymoon, doncha think?"

----------

Rob and Patrick skated through the parking lot.

"I see the Chrysler and Audi have taken our cue and moved." said Patrick.

"Do you think Terry's going to notice we have his gnome?" asked Rob.

"No, I don't think so." said Patrick. "He hasn't so far."

"Let's go by him again and see if he notices this time." said Bison as he rolled after them in his office chair.

"Good idea." said Rob as he looked back at him.

"Rob, look out!" yelled Patrick.

Rob looked forward. Someone in a Solstice had opened a door in front of him. He swerved to avoid it and ended up going behind a row of cars. He then hit a ramp. Jackie dropped to the ground as Rob flew over him. Rob landed the board on the side of the Raider's pickup bed and did a rail slide.

Jackie got back up, yelled "Jerk!", and threw an empty Saran-Wrap box in the trash.

----------

In the lounge, Frankie and Rocco looked around at the party debris.

"Looks like they had a hell of a party last night." said Rocco.

"Yeah, wish we were there." said Frankie.

Rocco looked out the window. "Look at all those cars." he said. "I think this line-up is bigger than two years ago."

"Or last year." said Frankie as he looked over the scene. His eyes fell on Betty "interviewing" Chuck. A bush obscured the Mustang. "Hold on, I see him."

"Who? The target?" asked Rocco.

"That's the one." said Frankie. "Soon, he will be toast."


	5. Feel The Rush

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 5: Feel The Rush

AN:This will be a partial songfic.  
Also, I've put in a couple of cameos. The officer who pulls over one of the Cannonballers is meant to be Jimmy Fallon and the guys in the other Mustang are supposed to be Terry Bradshaw and Mel Tillis.

"Okay, people!" yelled Mad Dog from the podium at the starting line. "Gather around. It's time for the inaugural speech."

The racers gathered at the two time clocks set up to expediate departures. Mad Dog also realized they would bring the racers' departure times closer together and heat up the competition.

"Okay, we're almost ready to start the race." said Mad Dog. He was greeted by cheering, then continued. "I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you all to the Cannonball Run, a race so daring, the competitors are destined to become household names. As you are no doubt aware, the police are not targeting us directly, but are in fact just going about their duty as normal. They're still out there to get you guys, so be careful. You know the basics. You punch the clock with your card when you leave here and you punch the other clock when you arrive at the finish line. This year, the finish line is the Kiwi Club in Miami, Florida and special thanks go out to the club's owner, Danny Mitchell, for letting us use it as such."

The crowd cheered. Danny just sat on the hood of his Lotus and put his fists in the air.

"Of course, you didn't come here to listen to me talk." said Mad Dog. "You came here to listen to the roar of your engines. So, without further ado, let's get this show on the road...literally."

The crowd parted after someone started their engine. Seconds later, a red Supra street racer rolled up to the starting line. The other Cannonballers ran to their cars. A silver Mercedes Benz CLS was next at the start.

"Watch the T.V. star." said Terry as he and Sarah climbed into his Chevelle.

Danny got up and got into the driver's seat of his Lotus. Batman showed him his Kajagoogoo CD and said "We have to talk."

Chuck slid across the hood of his Mustang, then got into the driver's seat.

"Where's Prescott?" asked Rocco as he and Frankie got lost in the crowd.

"I don't even know where you are." said Frankie.

Marcie and Monkey were the next ones out. They pulled up to the right clock and Monkey punched their time card. They took off in front of a black 350Z with duct tape holding the windshield on.

"You can still back out if you'd like." said the Drake as he got into his BMW.

"Not in front of the wife." said Brad as he got into his Chrysler.

Blake was next to approach the starting line. However, he and Fenderbaum were not able to clear all of the flour off of their car and it ended up trailing off behind them.

"Victor, how much flour did you pour onto their car?" asked J.J.

"More than was used in your wedding cake." said Victor.

Blake stopped next to the left clock and a pile of flour slid off his hood onto the pavement as he rolled down his window.

"I wonder if Blake knows the street value of what's on his car." said Mad Dog.

"Nice smokescreen." said a race official as Blake punched the clock.

"Thank you, asshole." said Blake.

After Blake pulled out, Rob and his guys were next. Bison drove the car from the passenger seat while Rob and Patrick skated up to the open driver's side door. Patrick jumped into the door and slipped into the backseat. Rob skated up to the clock, punched his card, then skated up to the door and jumped into the seat.

"May I take your board?" asked Patrick.

"You're too kind." said Rob as he handed his skateboard to him.

Jackie and Michael were next up. Jackie punched the clock, then pulled out.

"So, what are you in the mood for?" asked Michael as he rubbed his hands. His laptop was sitting on his knees.

"How about blonde teenagers." said Jackie.

"You got it." said Michael. He selected "Rush" by Aly and A.J. from his MP3 list.

**Into your head,  
into your mind,  
out of your soul,  
race through your veins.**

The Camaro and Mustang cruised side-by-side down the street.

**You can't escape.  
You can't escape.**

Terry cruised down an L.A. street in the Chevelle. The Honda and Volkswagen were right behind it.

**Into your life,  
into your dreams,  
out of the dark,  
sunlight again.**

**You can't explain.  
you can't explain.**

Brad held the wheel of the Chrysler as he guided it down the street.

**Can you feel it?  
Can you feel it?  
Rushing through your hair,  
rushing through your head.  
Can you feel it?  
Can you feel it?**

The BMW launched into a right turn at sixty and drifted. The Drake straightened it out within a few seconds.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over.  
Be every color that you are.  
Into the rush now, you don't have to know how.  
Know it all before you try.**

The Mini and Raider raced down a street when a car pulled out of a parking space in front of them. The Raider swerved into the oncoming lane while the Mini swerved into the empty space. It then raced down a walkway. People dove out of the way as the car jumped off a stairway.

**Pulling you in,  
spinning you 'round,  
lifting your feet,  
right off the ground.  
You can't believe,  
it's happening now.**

The Lotus and Acura cut down another street, but this one was jammed up by a car accident. (None of the race cars were involved.) The oncoming lane was clear, so the two cars swerved into it.

**Can you feel it?  
Can you feel it?  
Rushing through your hair,  
rushing through your head.  
Can you feel it?  
Can you feel it?**

An oncoming truck came towards the cars which swerved around it.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over.  
Be every color that you are.  
Into the rush now, you don't have to know how.  
Know it all before you try.**

-"Rush" by Aly & A.J.

The MX-5 and Mustang raced onto an on-ramp for the L.A. Freeway. The Mustang quickly cut around the MX-5 and tore off down the highway.

----------

Back at the Portofino...

"And they told you they were promoting the Raider?" asked Lisa.

"They sure did." said Prof. Weathers. "I didn't have the heart to tell them the Raider was discontinued in February."

"After only six months?" asked Lisa.

"At least it held on longer than 'Threshold'." said Weathers.

They came upon Mad Dog staring at an empty parking space.

"Mad Dog?" asked Lisa. "What's wrong?"

"Guys, do you have a Holden Commodore on your list?" asked Mad Dog.

"I think I do." said Weathers. He checked his inspection sheet. "Ah, here it is. Why do you ask?"

"I remember seeing it in the parking lot, but it never checked out." said Mad Dog.

"Wait." said Lisa. She took Weathers' sheet and compared it with her own. "He's got a point. There's one more car inspected than was signed up for the race."

"We gotta check up on this." said Mad Dog.

"Mad Dog, it might just be an innocent driver who parked with the racers by mistake." said Weathers.

"In a designated parking area for the race?" asked Mad Dog. "Forgive me if I'm a little suspicious, but I think this is worth looking into."

----------

In the San Gabriel Mountains somewhere in the San Bernardino National Forest...

"Take a good look at the valley because you'll only see it again in this photo." said Patrick as he held the garden gnome against the sky.

Rob took the gnome's picture.

"Hey, down there in Corona?" asked Bison. "That's where we got the car done."

"So, what's next?" asked Rob. "Grand Canyon? Four Corners?"

"Just try passing up the Grand Canyon." said Bison.

"Hey, take a look at this road." said Patrick. "I think this is possibly a perfect road for a downhill freestyle."

"Wanna go for it?" asked Rob.

"Really?" asked Patrick. "Alright."

While Rob and Bison climbed into the Mini with the garden gnome, Patrick opened the rear hatch and took out his skateboard. He mounted it and grabbed the spoiler while Rob started the engine. A second later, they were off.

Rob drove down the hill and gradually brought it up to sixty. They reached a straightaway and Patrick let go of the spoiler. He drifted free for a few seconds, then grabbed the spoiler again.

Rob laughed, then kept driving. He hit another straightaway and Patrick let go again to drift free. That's when another car pulled out of a side road and forced Rob to hit the brakes. Unfortunately, Patrick sailed past uncontrollably.

"Oh shit." said Rob. He quickly cut around the other car and took off after him.

Patrick looked over his shoulder at the Mini and said "I knew it! They've been trying to get rid of me since Pamona!"

Rob kept on him. "Come on, faster." he said.

"What would Michael Caine do?" asked Bison.

"Don't ask me, I've only seen the Mark Wahlberg version." said Rob.

Patrick maneuvered around a turn, coming close to the edge. "Ha!" he laughed as he looked back at it. He then turned around and screamed when he saw the next turn. This one was too sharp for him to make.

Patrick sailed right off the cliff. He plunged ten feet into a swimming pool.

"Dammit!" said Rob.

While Patrick found his board and got out of the pool, Rob drove into the driveway that shared a house with the pool.

Rob and Bison ran up to Patrick. "Patrick, you alright?" asked Rob.

"Yeah, I'm good." said Patrick. "Hey, when we reach the Rockies, you're doing it."

"Alright!" said Rob.

They returned to the Mini to find a young woman looking into the window.

"You guys have a garden gnome?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah." said Bison. "It's kind of a long story."

"Really?" she asked. She turned around and saw Rob. "Oh my God! It's you!"

"You're a fan?" asked Rob.

"Oh, yeah. I love skateboarders." she said. "Can I get a picture with you?"

"Oh sure." said Rob.

He walked over to her and stood with her.

"Say 'cheese'." said Patrick as Bison took out the camera.

"Hold on." said Rob. He reached into the car and took out the gnome.

"What's the deal with that?" she asked.

"Okay, it's like this." said Rob. "We're on a cross-country journey. And we took this gnome from a friend of ours and we're taking pictures of it at various locations along the way. When we finish, we're going to mail it back to him with the pictures."

"Oh. Oh, that's cool." she said.

"Can we get this picture now?" asked Bison.

"Sure." said Rob. He smiled, put his arm around the girl, and held up the gnome.

"I can't believe I'm standing next to Bam Margera." she said.

Bison took their picture.

"Bam Margera?" asked Rob.

----------

Somewhere outside of Palm Springs, Jill had gotten pulled over by the CHP.

"Great, we didn't even make it past Joshua Tree National Park." said Jessie.

The CHiP walked up to the window.

"I know the drill." said Jill as she handed over her license and the car's registration.

"I'm sure you know why I pulled you..." said the officer as he looked over Jill's license. He suddenly got excited. "Oh my God, you're Jill Boyd?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah." said Jill.

"You won the Cannonball three years ago, right?" he asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." said Jill.

The officer gasped. "I can't believe I pulled you over!" he exclaimed. "Three years ago, I was stationed behind a Target billboard with a radar gun. I must've seen a dozen of you guys rip by. I remember wondering which of you guys was going to win. I remember I saw a Corvette, a 300ZX, a BMW, a Subaru. Was that you?"

"No, I had the MR2, SW20, Kaminari body kit, Blitz turbo." said Jill.

"You must've taken a different route. I don't remember that." said the officer. "Hey, step out of the car."

"What?" asked Jill.

"Come on, step out." said the officer.

Jill shrugged and climbed out while the officer set up a camera on the roof of his cruiser.

"I hope the lights don't ruin the shot." he muttered.

Jill stood next to the car while the officer walked back to her while writing in his ticket book.

"What are you doing?" asked Jill.

"I just want a picture with you." said the officer. He took the ticket and handed it to her. "Hold this and smile."

The officer put his arm around her while she held up the ticket.

"But I just got a..." pleaded Jill as their picture was taken. "...speeding ticket."

"You can go now." said the officer as he returned to his car. "Don't want to hold you up any longer."

Jill looked at her ticket. "I was going a lot faster than this!" she pleaded.

"Drive safe...but fast!" said the officer as he got into his cruiser.

"Well, that was a freebie." said Jill as she got back into the GTI.

"What was that about?" asked Jessie as Jill refastened her seat belts.

"Cannonball groupies." said Jill as she restarted the GTI. "We get a few every now and then. Surprisingly, there's a few in law enforcement."

----------

Jackie and Michael cruised through the desert.

"I've been checking the map." said Michael. "I think we're almost where we were three years ago when we took that off-road detour."

"Really." said Jackie. "Think we should try it again?"

"That's why we're using a truck." said Michael.

Jackie found the dirt road they turned onto three years ago and turned onto the other side. Michael activated the hydraulic suspension and Jackie locked the front differential.

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see the appeal of this." said Jackie as they raced through the desert.

"And best of all, no cops." said Michael.

Less than half a mile away, a police Ford Explorer was parked behind a sand dune.

"What are we supposed to be doing out here anyway?" asked one officer.

"We're keeping watch for reckless drivers offroad." said his partner. "If we see any, we're supposed to give chase."

The Raider raced towards the dune.

"Think I should slow down?" asked Jackie.

"No, I think the hydros can take it." said Michael.

"I love the way you think, man!" said Jackie.

He let out a howl as the Raider launched off the dune. It flew right over the Explorer.

"Speak of the devil." said the officer.

"We're in hot pursuit now." said his partner as she started the Explorer and took off after him.

Michael looked over his shoulder. "We've got company in a Ford Exploder." he said.

"Good thing this is a company car." said Jackie.

The Explorer chased the Raider over a series of sand dunes.

"Where is he going?" asked the officer behind the wheel.

"According to the map, right for a gully." said her partner.

"According to our satellite mapping, there is a gully right up ahead." said Michael.

"Think the heat knows about it?" asked Jackie.

"I think they've got maps." said Michael.

"Well, let's not disappoint them, then." said Jackie.

"The gully's right over the next rise." said the officer with the map.

The Raider crossed over the rise and steered alongside the gully. The Explorer hit the same rise, but was going too fast to avoid the gully. After it went in and got completely stuck, Michael got on his cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" asked Jackie.

"Their superiors." said Michael. "Can't just leave them there."

"Nice naviagtion." said the driving officer sarcasticly.

----------

Victor was behind the wheel of J.J's Camaro as it cruised towards the Arizona state line. In order to avoid the highway patrol, Victor had turned off onto a state highway.

"How are we doing on time?" asked J.J.

"Pretty good, I'd say." said Victor. "We should be in Arizona soon."

"You know, J.J." said Pamela. "The teams seem to be fanning out. We haven't seen any others in a while."

"Not really." said J.J. as he looked over his shoulder at a white '68 Mustang Boss 302. "Here comes one now."

The Mustang pulled alongside the Camaro and the two men inside looked to the guys in the Camaro.

"Hey, J.J!" said the driver, a guy who looked like he used to play football.

"Hey, guys!" said J.J. "How are you two doing?"

"Well, w-we caught up with you, right?" said the other.

J.J. laughed.

Behind them, Rocco's Commodore raced along.

"There he is." said Frankie.

"He's got a witness running alongside him." said Rocco. "We can't perform the hit while he's there."

"Not a problem." said Frankie as he pulled out a rifle. He leaned out of the window and aimed at the Mustang's left rear tire. After making sure the rifle was aimed steadily, he fired.

The Mustang's rear tire blew and the driver ended up spinning out.

"Whoa!" yelled Victor.

"Turn around." said J.J.

"What?" asked Victor.

"Turn around. We have to see if he's okay." said J.J.

"Okay." said Victor. He pulled over and turned around.

The Mustang was at the side of the road. The passenger was looking at the blowout while the driver looked around in the trunk.

"Where's the spare?" asked the driver.

"W-well, I thought we could use less weight." said the passenger. "S-so, I left it behind thinking we wouldn't need it. Bad idea, r-right?"

"You have no idea." said the driver.

"Dammit, the other guy is coming back." said Frankie when he saw the Camaro returning to the crash site.

"We'd better work fast." said Rocco.

They pulled up next to the Mustang and climbed out.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Frankie as he hid the rifle behind his leg.

The Mustang's driver and passenger turned to face them.

"Wait, you're not Chuck Prescott." said Rocco.

"Chuck Prescott?" asked the driver.

"Oh, he-he has a different Mustang." said the passenger. "He got it painted blue."

"That would've been good to know two minutes ago." said Frankie.

The Camaro parked and J.J. and Pamela got out.

"Hey, what happened?" asked Pamela.

"Frankie, what are you doing..." asked J.J. before he noticed Rocco.

"Stay out of this, J.J." said Frankie. "You do not want to be involved with this."

"Like hell I don't!" said J.J. "Did you just commit an attack on another Cannonballer?"

"He's after Chuck Prescott." said the Mustang's driver.

"Last chance." said Rocco as he took out his sidearm.

"DUN DUN DAAHHHH!"

Everybody turned to the source of the voice and saw Victor standing on the hood of the Camaro wearing a familiar orange cape and mask. The mask had a black section around his eyes and the word "Chaos" over it.

"Captain Chaos!" yelled Pamela.

"We're saved." said the Mustang's passenger.

Chaos jumped off of the hood and approached the men. "Gentlemen?" he said. "What appears to be the cause of this?"

"They tried to kill these guys." said Pamela.

"Frankie Thunder, we meet again." said Chaos.

"Rematch." said Frankie as he tossed his rifle to Rocco.

"Careful, Chaos." said J.J. "Remember your last match with him."

"He won that." said Pamela.

Frankie jumped in close to Chaos and attempted to throw him over his leg. He forgot to take Chaos' bulk into account and only managed to make him stumble back.

Chaos responded by grabbing Frankie and throwing him against the Mustang. Frankie picked himself back up and faced Chaos again.

He tried to grab Chaos again, but instead got grabbed himself and flipped onto his back.

"Need help?" asked Rocco.

"Not yet." said Frankie as he tried to pick himself up again.

Frankie rushed at Chaos and tried to tackle him. This time, Chaos held out his cape and whipped it aside like a bullfighter. Frankie ran headfirst into the Commodore. A moan swept through the crowd of spectators.

"Rocco?" asked Frankie.

"Oy?" asked Rocco.

"I need help." said Frankie.

"What do you want me to do?" asked Rocco.

"Get me into the car and get us the hell out of here." said Frankie.

"Okay." said Rocco. He ran over to Frankie, picked him up, and helped him into the car. Within seconds, he got in himself and drove off.

"Those guys were after Chuck Prescott?" asked the Mustang's driver.

"Yeah, his Mustang used to be white." said J.J. "They must not have known I repainted it and they mistook yours for his."

"J.J, we have to warn him." said Pamela.

"Right, we have to get back on the road as well." said Chaos.

"Don't w-worry about us." said the Mustang's passenger. "We'll fix this."

----------

Back at the Portofino, Professor Weathers was on the computer. He had hacked into the Australian equivalent of the Department of Motor Vehicles.

"Are you sure this is the plate number?" he asked.

"You wrote it down when you inspected the car." said Mad Dog.

"Well, are you sure we should be doing this?" asked Lisa.

"I just want to run one race without someone trying to hurt the racers." said Mad Dog.

"Better safe than sorry, right?" said Weathers. "There, we've got a result."

"What is it?" asked Mad Dog.

"Let's see." said Weathers. "The car is registered in Melbourne and was recently flown here."

"Yeah, that's great and all." said Mad Dog. "But who's the owner?"

"That's a little problematic." said Weathers. "It's like they're trying to keep the information from us."

"Maybe they are someone to be concerned about." said Lisa.

"We'll know in a second." said Weathers. "Luckily, many of the security protocols used in Australia were developed at MIT."

He continued working on the computer. Rocco's picture came up.

"Rocco Henry." said Weathers. "That's our Commodore's owner. Know the name?"

"That's one of the guys who kidnapped the Drake two years ago." said Mad Dog. "J.J. told me all about it. He even showed me the news story."

"Well, I think your concerns were justified, Mr. Dog." said Weathers.

"Unfortunately, they were also realized." said Mad Dog.


	6. HER

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 6: HER

AN:Warning: this chapter contains a spoiler for "The Usual Suspects. That will be indicated by an Author's Note in **bold**.  
This chapter also contains another cameo. The pickup truck driver is supposed to be Johnny Knoxville.

Rocco drove towards Phoenix while Frankie nursed his wounds.

"I bet you'd like to forget what happened to you." said Rocco.

"Nah, I should've gotten that on video." said Frankie.

"Why?"

"'Cause there's no way in hell anyone's gonna believe what happened." said Frankie.

"Well, what do we do now?" asked Rocco. "McClure's sure to warn the other racers, Prescott included."

"Give me a minute." said Frankie. "Wait, I've got it. If the racers are close enough to warn each other in cases like this, maybe one of them can get close enough to score a hit on Prescott."

"Check the camera for pictures of the Cannonballers." said Rocco.

----------

Lisa was on her cell phone. "Okay, thanks." she said just before she hung up. "That was Victor. He and J.J. encountered Rocco Henry attacking another racer. He was working with Frankie Thunder."

"What's an Australian gangster doing working with a small time crook?" asked Mad Dog.

"According to the news reports," said Weathers "Rocco Henry's previous employer, 'Big Donnie' Cannaglio, was arrested shortly after his kidnapping the Drake. Rocco was one of his two lieutenants and managed to be acquitted by a jury because of flimsy evidence."

"And now, he's working as a gun for hire?" said Mad Dog. "Who's the target?"

"Apparently, Chuck Prescott." said Lisa. "The victims were the guys in the other Mustang. It looks like they were working on an old description of Chuck's car."

"Well, we know who they're after, but who hired them?" asked Weathers.

"Let's attack this with logic." said Mad Dog. He thought for a couple of seconds. "Okay, you play the lottery. You win fifty mil. Who'd want to kill you the most?"

"Everybody who didn't win?" asked Lisa.

"If I managed to win the lottery," said Weathers "I'm sure that Paul Martin would be very mad that he can't kick me around anymore."

"Who's he?" asked Mad Dog.

"He's the dean of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. My boss." said Weathers.

AN:Maybe.

"That's a good point." said Mad Dog. "Check to see if Chuck did anything to upset his bosses after he won."

"Don't bother." said Lisa. "He was bragging about it all last night at the party. He bought out the company."

----------

The Chevelle and Honda were running together through Phoenix.

A car pulled alongside the Chevelle and the occupants cheered for Terry. Terry responded with a wave and a laugh.

"Congratulations, you're famous." said Sarah.

"All thanks to you and Mel." said Terry. "I'm assuming it was you two who called TLC."

In the Honda...

"Let me drive." said Pete.

"No." said Steve.

"Let me drive."

"No."

"Let me drive."

"No."

"Fine, I'm going to flip off this trucker." said Pete.

"Good." said Steve.

Pete rolled down his window and climbed out. He then aimed his fists at the tractor-trailer behind them and extended both middle fingers. The truck immediately gained speed.

"No. No. No. No." groaned Terry as he watched the truck gain on the Honda and bump it in the rear. "Jesus Christ."

"Don't tell me you actually did that!" yelled Steve.

"Why didn't you stop me?" yelled Pete.

"I thought you were kidding!" yelled Steve.

"Floor it!" yelled Pete.

Steve floored the accelerator and distanced himself from the truck.

"You have to help them." said Sarah.

"No problem." said Terry.

The Honda weaved through traffic trying to lose the truck. However, the truck driver was amazingly persistant.

"Take the next exit." said Pete.

"Shut up." said Steve as he took the next exit anyway. The truck and Chevelle followed.

Steve drove the car into a parking lot for a strip mall and tried to elude the truck. After a few seconds, he was forced to stop after a minivan backed into his path.

"Shit!" he yelled.

The truck slowed to a halt and the driver jumped out. Steve quickly hit the door unlock.

"What are you doing?" asked Pete.

"Giving him easy access to you to solve both our problems." said Steve.

The truck driver yanked open the passenger side door and pulled Pete out. "You got a problem with me, boy?" asked the trucker.

"Go easy on me, please." said Pete. "I'm a little guy."

The Chevelle roared up next to them and stopped. Terry jumped out and ran over to them.

"Hold it, hold it, hold it." he said. "Look, whatever the problem is, I'm sure we can work this out in a civil manner."

"Is your name Terry and were you on 'Overhaulin''?" asked the driver.

"Yeah, I was." said Terry. "You're a fan of the show?"

"Oh, definitely." said the trucker. "That Chip Foose is something."

"Hey, wait a minute." said Terry. "Weren't you on 'Trick My Truck' last month?"

"Guilty as charged." said the trucker. "Nice, huh?" he asked as he motioned to his truck, a Peterbilt Model 377 painted blue with a prarie landscape on the side.

"Yeah, those Chrome Shop Mafia boys aren't too bad either." said Terry.

"Can we go now?" asked Pete.

"Oh yeah, there's that." said the trucker.

"Just break something and let them go." said Terry. "He won't bother you again."

The trucker walked over to the passenger-side door and broke off the rear-view.

"Oh!" yelled Steve. "Come on!"

"Don't do that again." said the trucker as he pressed the mirror into Pete's chest.

----------

Somewhere in Eastern Arizona...

"I'm telling you it just doesn't look real." said Rob as he looked at the pictures they'd taken of the gnome at the Grand Canyon.

"Hey, you were there." said Patrick as he drove. "It doesn't even look real in person."

"Watch this guy." said Bison as he pointed to a car in front of him.

Patrick swerved into the passing lane and raced past a Mercury Mystique.

Bison looked at the driver of the car and said "Hey, he just flipped us off!"

"He what?" said Patrick.

"Bison." said Rob. "Are you going to accept that?"

"Hell no." said Bison.

He and Patrick rolled down their windows. Patrick leaned out of his while Bison got up and pulled down his pants. He then pointed his rear out of the window. Everyone in the Mini was stricken with laughter.

"Look at these guys!" laughed Rob as he pointed to the two in the Mystique. They both stared in shock. "I gotta get this!" he laughed as he raised the camera.

"Get the gnome! Get the gnome!" laughed Patrick.

Rob picked up the gnome and took its picture with the Mystique in the background.

----------

Victor drove while J.J. turned on the C.B. radio and hit the transmit button. "This is Cannonballer J.J. McClure. We have just seen an attack on another Cannonball team."

Blake and Fenderbaum heard the broadcast in their Acura. "What is it about my life that makes me think WE'RE going to get blamed for this?" asked Blake.

AN:Thank you, Tim.

"We are looking for Chuck Prescott." said J.J. "He seems to be the intended target. If he is to run tandem with us, we can protect him. We might also lure the assailants into a trap and..."

He was cut off by a car horn and dropped the microphone. He looked over his shoulder and saw Chuck's Mustang was the source of the horn.

Chuck pulled alongside them and rolled his window down. "What's this about an attack on another Cannonballer intended for me?" he asked.

"A couple of ne'er-do-wells took out the guys in the other Mustang." said Victor. "One of them said you were the guy they were after."

"And you just let them go?" asked Betty.

"It wasn't our place to take them in." said Pamela.

"Why are these guys after me?" asked Chuck.

"I called Lisa about it." said Victor. "She thinks someone hired them."

"Oh yeah, I think I know who it is." said Chuck.

"Don't worry too much." said J.J. "The guy is driving a white Holden Commodore. We'll see him coming."

----------

Danny's Lotus raced through a mountainous section in New Mexico. He had his satellite radio set to the 80s channel. "Love Is A Battlefield" by Pat Benatar had just ended and a Cure song came on.

"Ooh, is this 'Inbetween Days' or 'Just Like Heaven'?" he asked.

"'Just Like Heaven'." said Batman. "'Inbetween Days' starts with more elaborate drumwork."

"Cool." said Danny. "Ever see the movie?"

"Yeah, my girlfriend took me to it." said Batman.

"Remember when she went into the room and found her own comatose body?" asked Danny.

"That was quite a twist." said Batman. "Well, not exactly at the caliber of 'The Usual Suspects', but still nice." Danny looked at him in distaste.

Behind them, Rocco stayed on their tail. "Frankie, is that a Cannonballer?" he asked.

"Hold on." said Frankie as he checked the camera's memory. "Bingo, we finally got one."

"About time." said Rocco. "Hate to have another incident like those guys in the Audi we freaked out."

"Alright, just nudge him." said Frankie. "Just be careful. It's a Lotus."

In the Lotus...

"Get real, how can you not like the twist ending?" asked Batman.

"Only because it sucked." said Danny.

"Why? What was wrong with it?" asked Batman.

**AN:Spoiler begins here.**

"Well, it turns out the guy we thought was crippled was actually the mastermind behind the crime spree. Okay, I can buy it. They said themselves 'The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.' But he lets himself get captured and interrogated. Excuse me if I think that's a bit of a risk. What if Chazz Palminteri didn't buy his story and release him? Do you really have that much confidence in your bullshitting skills to let that happen?"

"Well, it made for an unexpected twist." said Batman. "Tell me you didn't see THAT coming."

"I didn't." said Danny. "But still, why would he allow himself to be captured after all he did in the film?"

**AN:Spoiler ends here.**

Rocco rammed him in the rear bumper.

"Maybe we should ask him." said Batman as he pointed to the Holden.

"Hang on." said Danny.

He put the car into the next gear and raced for the mountains.

"He's getting away." said Frankie.

Rocco just pushed the accelerator further. They started to catch up.

"Watch the turn." said Batman.

"I see it." said Danny. He quickly cut the wheel to the left and ripped through the turn at 75.

Rocco went through the turn himself, but the heavier Holden couldn't make the turn at that speed. He ended up running off the road, then spinning. The car then completely left the road and rolled onto its side. It kept rolling as the occupants screamed.

The Lotus tore through a hairpin and kept going.

"I think we lost that guy." said Batman. "I didn't see him behind us."

The Holden tumbled into their path.

"Oh shit!" yelled Batman.

Danny cut the wheel to the right and swerved behind the Holden, then continued down the hill.

The Holden also continued down the hill, but not on the road. It finally stopped when it got hung up on a tree.

"I think the worst is over." said Rocco.

The branch he got hung up on gave way and the car flipped onto the roadway below. The Lotus was now approaching the turn.

"Look out!" yelled Batman.

While the Holden was rolling, the hood came off and landed next to it. Danny saw the car and swerved around it. The left side wheels ramped off the hood and hung in the air for a couple of seconds.

The Holden finally came to rest on its wheels, but it was no longer running. Frankie, slightly battered and scared witless, looked around in shock.

"Well, any accident you can walk away from..." he said as he opened the door. It fell off.

"Wow." said Batman.

"Yeah, nice to see that legendary Lotus handling is intact." said Danny.

"You got that right." said Batman. A couple of seconds later, he said "I think he just wanted to screw with the guy."

----------

At LAX, Mad Dog pulled into "Departures" in his rented Dodge Stratus.

"Alright, in a few hours, we'll be in Miami waiting for the Cannonballers to arrive." he said.

"Actually, you'll be in Miami." said Weathers. "We'll be in Amarillo."

"Amarillo, what's there?" asked Mad Dog.

"We did a follow-up on Frankie Thunder." said Lisa. "It turns out he rented a storage locker in Amarillo using his credit card. He specified a locker large enough to park a car in."

"You checked his credit card history?" yelled Mad Dog. "Can you legally do that?"

"No, but you also can't legally drive across the country at a hundred miles per hour, now. Can you?" replied Weathers.

Mad Dog groaned. "Try not to get in over your head." he said.

----------

The Drake pulled into a 7-Eleven in Albuquerque. He and his entourage climbed out.

"Okay, I'm going in for refreshments." he said. "I want you two to fill the tank. Remember, highest grade available."

"At three bucks a gallon?" said Venom.

AN:Remember, this is set in July.

"I'll make it up in a day." said the Drake as he walked to the store.

"I hate it when he flaunts his wealth like that." said Venom as he started to pump the gas.

"Um, Venom." said Ron. "Is that car what I think it is?"

Venom looked over and saw a silver Chrysler 300. "This will get ugly." he said.

"I'm going in." said Ron.

In the store, Brad and Susan stood next to the microwave while it cooked a pizza for them.

"Didn't you try to make your fortune so you wouldn't have to eat budget food?" asked Susan.

"We're not here because it's cheap. We're here because it's fast." said Brad.

They weren't looking when the Drake walked up to the counter.

"Welcome to 7-Eleven, spiffy." said the clerk. "How can I help you?"

"Gas, three roast beef sandwiches, and a Big Gulp Dr. Pepper, please." said the Drake.

"Coming right up." said the clerk.

"You're here?" said Brad. "What are you doing? Following us?"

"Just wanted to show you I can blow your doors off." said the Drake. "Can't really do that if we're on different roads."

"Hey, it's just as well that you're following us." said Brad. "You're more than likely to get lost otherwise."

"This from the guy who couldn't make a business deal I'd already made." said the Drake. "Ah, if only you had what made me a business success."

"I do. I married her a few days ago." said Brad.

The clerk handed the Drake his Big Gulp. "That's a nice pizza." said the Drake. "Did you get a drink with it?"

"No, I didn't." said Brad.

"Okay, have mine." said the Drake as he threw the Big Gulp at Brad. He hit the milk cooler a few feet from Brad. "I know. I'm bad at tennis, too."

The microwave beeped and Brad took out his pizza. "Game, set, match!" he said as he threw the pizza at the Drake. The pizza knocked over a rack of Doritos.

The Drake quickly picked up several bags of Doritos and started throwing them at Brad while the clerk took cover.

Brad started grabbing bags of Little Debbie's snack cakes and returning fire.

Ron ran in and yelled "Mr. Drake!" A second later, a muffin hit the side of the clerk's enclosure, narrowly missing him.

"I'll be there in a second, Ron." said the Drake as he put his credit card on the counter. The clerk took it and put it through the reader, then gave it back.

"Now I know how Tom Hanks felt in 'Saving Private Ryan'." said Ron as he hid behind a browser. The browser was hit twice by bags of Combos.

The Drake grabbed his sandwiches and ran for the exit. A bagel hit the browser as he snuck behind it. Ron followed him.

"After him." said Susan. She and Brad made for the exit.

The clerk climbed out from behind the counter. "I knew I should have called in sick today." he said when he saw the mess.

Outside, Ron and the Drake ran for the car.

"It took fifty dollars to fill the tank!" said Venom.

"Yeah, that's great!" said the Drake as he opened the door. "Now, let's get the hell out of here!"

Ron took his traditional place in the backseat while Venom took the front seat. The Drake stuck the key in the ignition and started the car. He drove off as the fuel gauge rose to full.

"There he goes!" said Brad as he and Susan ran to their car. He noticed the front tire was flat and said "What the hell?"

"We just have to get to the highway and then off to Texas." said the Drake. He noticed Ron glaring at him. "What?"

"A food fight?" said Ron. "If that muffin had been a Twinkie, I could have been killed!"

"I thought I folded this up." said Venom as he took a switchblade out of his pocket. It popped open.

"What did you use that for?" asked Ron.

"Uh, gas cap got stuck." said Venom half-convincingly.

----------

Frankie looked under the Holden.

"Well," he said "the drive shaft's bent, the differential's in pieces, the springs are broken, and the engine is leaking every conceivable fluid. Let me rephrase that."

"I get it. This car isn't going anywhere." said Rocco.

"I've got some good news and some bad news." said Frankie. "The good news is that I have a backup vehicle. The bad news is it's in Amarillo."

"Then, let's go get it." said Rocco.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple." said Frankie as he reached into the Holden and pulled out a map of the United States. "This is Amarillo." he said while pointing to it on the map, then pointed to western New Mexico and added "And this is where we are."

"Krikey, that's a long way." said Rocco as a set of brakes squealed.

"Excuse me." said someone. Frankie and Rocco looked up to see a man walking away from a pickup truck. "You guys need help?"

"Yeah, we missed a turn up there." said Frankie. "We were in a hurry to get to the closest airport."

"Oh. You almost made it, too." said the man. "The airport's only a couple of miles down the road."

"Really?" asked Rocco. "Can you give us a lift?"

"Wish I could." said the man. "Unfortunately, I'm not going that way. I'm just heading over to the farm on a side road."

"Oh, that's too bad." said Frankie. "Can you at least tell us where the airport is?"

"Oh, it's just down the road." said the man. "Take a left when you see the sign with the airplane on it. Can't miss it."

"No, I didn't think so." said Frankie.

"Hey, do you think there's anything on this car worth saving?" asked Rocco.

"Let me check." said the man. He walked over to the Holden and started looking it over while Frankie and Rocco snuck over to the pickup and climbed in.

"Nah, looks like a complete write-off." said the man. "Doesn't look like..."

Rocco put the truck into gear and drove past the man.

"Hey!"

Rocco drove down the road quickly.

"Come back here!" yelled the man. However, Rocco just kept going. "Jackass." said the man.

----------

The Mazda was parked at a gas station in Roswell when the Volkswagen pulled in.

Jessie and Jill climbed out of the car. "Hey, Marcie." said Jill.

"Hey, how you guys doing?" asked Marcie.

"I'll tell you about it over snacks. Come on." said Jill.

As Jill and Marcie went off to the office, Monkey turned to Jessie and asked "So, how's the car running?"

"Oh, good. Right bonzer." said Jessie. "Engine fire didn't burn much. We put it out quickly enough. And we were lucky that R.V. was there when the brakes went out on that hill. Very lucky. And I was able to take control when Jill came down with hysterical blindness from an alergic reaction to that frozen yogurt we got."

"Wait." said Monkey. "You stopped for frozen yogurt?"

In the store...

"So, what's the latest?" asked Jill.

"I ran into Terry in Safford." said Marcie. "He had some news about Pete."

"What?" asked Jill nervously.

"He provoked a truck driver and got chased down." said Marcie.

Jill groaned. "What is his problem?" she asked.

"You're concerned about him, I know." said Marcie.

"That obvious?" asked Jill.

"Very obvious." said Marcie. "And I don't just mean since his strange behavior began. The night of the accident, you stayed with him at the hospital all night."

"Turned out he wasn't even hurt." said Jill.

"That could change." said Marcie. "Pete's getting more and more reckless. If he continues like this, you might not get chance to make a move."

Jill looked at her.

"You know you should do something." said Marcie.

"Right." said Jill. "I'll whack him upside the head next time I see him."

Jill and Marcie left the store.

"We're finished?" asked Jill.

"All tanked up." said Monkey.

"Alright, we're off." said Marcie.

"Next pit stop is somewhere in Texas." said Jessie as she climbed into the Volkswagen. "After that, Mad Dog wants us to stop in New Orleans."

----------

Blake and Fenderbaum approached the Texas state line. A recent rain had left the road surface wet, but the sun was now out and vaporizing the rain into mist. The NSX raced through the mist.

"The idea is simple." said Blake. "We track down these guys who are trying to kill Chuck Prescott, then remove them for everybody's sake. That way, we not only remove the tension snaking its way through the race, but we also clear our names in the eyes of the other Cannonballers."

"That's your plan?" asked Fenderbaum. "I think we'd be better off working for Foyt again."

"Why? What's wrong with it?" asked Blake.

"Well, first of all, how do we track them down?" asked Fenderbaum. "It's not like they show up on radar that we don't have."

"It's simple." said Blake. "We find Prescott and sooner or later, they'll make a move."

"And how do we find Prescott?" asked Fenderbaum.

"Remember our scheduled stop?" asked Blake. "We run into him in New Orleans and stay with him until anything happens. Our best hope is that nothing happens to him before then."

"And what if this doesn't work to improve our image with the Cannonballers?" asked Fenderbaum.

"Think about it." said Blake. "A popular Cannonballer makes a surprise comeback after three years with a price on his head. Someone saves that man's life. Wouldn't the people be a little friendlier to those guys who saved his life?"

"How do we take these guys down when we find them?" asked Fenderbaum.

Blake thought about his question for a few seconds. "I think I like your plan better." he finally said.

"So do I." said Fenderbaum.

----------

In Amarillo, Lisa and Weathers drove to the storage yard in a rented Dodge Stratus.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd swear this was the same car we had in L.A." said Weathers.

"Are we almost there?" asked Lisa.

"Just about." said Weathers. "I was thinking about something. When we find these guys, I think we should just watch them."

"Why?" asked Lisa.

"Well, we really don't have a way to defend ourselves if trouble occurs." said Weathers.

"Are you sure?" asked Lisa.

"Yes." said Weathers.

He pulled into the storage yard and parked.

"So, which one is it?" asked Lisa.

"Number J15." said Weathers.

"I don't see them." said Lisa.

"They're probably not here yet." said Weathers. "Either that or they're not coming."

"Hold it." said Lisa.

A taxi was pulling up to the storage yard. Frankie and Rocco were in the back. They climbed out and paid the fare.

"There they are." said Weathers. He and Lisa climbed out of the Stratus and hid behind a corner near the locker.

Frankie and Rocco walked towards the locker. Frankie took a key out of his pocket.

"I hope this car runs." said Rocco.

"It does more than that." said Frankie. "Check it out."

He inserted the key in the lock for the locker and opened it. Inside was an '86 Chevrolet Monte Carlo LS. It had been painted metallic red with white and orange flames and Cragar Series 441 rims mounted. An airscoop had been fashioned into the hood and a small lip spoiler was bolted to the trunk. The car was noticably lowered by a few inches.

"Is that the one Mad Dog did for him last year?" asked Weathers.

"I think it is." said Lisa. "He mentioned it at J.J. and Pamela's wedding."

"It doesn't look like there's much we can do." said Weathers.

"Right, let's go." said Lisa.

They turned to go back to the car, but Weathers knocked over a garbage can on the way.

Frankie and Rocco looked in their direction. "I'll go see what that was." said Rocco.

"Go on. I'll catch up in a second." said Weathers.

"Right." said Lisa. She walked away and hid somewhere else.

Rocco walked over to the corner and found Weathers trying to pick up the trash from the garbage can. "What are you doing here?" asked Rocco.

"Oh, I was looking for my storage locker and I got lost." said Weathers. "Damned if I didn't knock over this garbage can in the quest."

"You didn't see anything! Got it?" snarled Rocco.

"Well, I don't see why I shouldn't tell anyone about this." said Weathers.

Rocco grabbed him by the collar and forced him up against the wall.

"Or we could try this your way." said Weathers.

"DUN DUN DAAAHHH!" came a call. However, it was a slightly higher voice than usual.

"Not again." said Rocco.

Then, the source of the voice jumped from the roof of the locker next to them and landed at their feet. It was none other than...Lisa wearing a powder blue cape and mask with "Chaos" over the eyes.

"What the..?" asked Weathers.

"Greetings, citizen." said Lisa. "I am Miss Chaos. You wouldn't be causing trouble, would you?"

"Tell me I'm dreaming." said Rocco.

"Release the man and there will be no fuss." said Miss Chaos.

"I don't think there will be any fuss anyway." said Rocco as he gave her a light shove.

She responded by grabbing his wrist and twisting it, making him release Weathers. Rocco let out a loud scream, drawing Frankie over.

"Oh God, not another one." groaned Frankie. He ran back to the Monte Carlo.

Miss Chaos released Rocco's wrist. He jumped back and prepared to return a blow, only to be thrown over her shoulder. As he tried to get back up, she grabbed his arm and threw him up against the wall.

"Who are you working for?" she asked.

"Shut up." he muttered.

"Who are you working for?" she repeated.

"Root off." he said.

"Who are you working for?" she asked a third time.

"Frell you!" he said.

"Oh, he's a Scaper!" laughed Weathers.

The roar of the Monte Carlo's engine cut the silence. Frankie stopped next to them and popped open the passenger side door. "Come on, let's roll." he said.

Rocco broke away from her and ran for the car. Along the way, he bumped into Weathers who slipped something into his pocket. He jumped into the car and they took off.

"You are safe now." pronounced Miss Chaos.

"Thanks." said Weathers. "We should have no trouble keeping tabs on them. I slipped a tracking device into the large Australian's pocket as he passed me. Which reminds me."

He took out his cell phone and dialled.

The Raider passed through Lubbock on its way through Texas. Something rang.

"What's that?" asked Jackie.

"Cell phone." said Michael. He pushed a button on his laptop. "Hey, what's up, Professor?"

"What? You've got caller ID?" asked Jackie.

"Looks like it, Jackie." said Weathers over the phone.

"Also got a speakerphone." said Michael. "So, why are you calling?"

"You're surely aware that someone tried to attack Chuck Prescott, right?" asked Weathers.

"Yeah, J.J. warned us all about it." said Jackie.

"Well, the initial warning was a Holden Commodore." said Weathers. "The new target is a red Monte Carlo. Trust me, you cannot miss it."

"Okay, got it." said Michael.

"Also, I need a favor from you." said Weathers. "I've pinned a tracker on one of the assailants. If you have the equipment, you can track them."

"Do we have the equipment?" asked Jackie.

"I think so." said Michael.

"Great, we'll see you in N'awlins." said Weathers.

He ended the call.


	7. Kings Of New Orleans

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 7: Kings of New Orleans

Rob drove across the Texas/Louisiana state line.

"So what made this guy stick a bunch of Cadillacs in the ground?" asked Patrick as he looked at the pictures they took of the garden gnome at Cadillac Ranch.

"I don't really know." said Rob. "Maybe it just seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So, where are we going next?" asked Bison.

"Mad Dog wanted us to swing by New Orleans for a bit." said Rob.

"Oh? What are we doing there?" asked Patrick.

"We'll find out." said Rob. "By the way, when we get there, I want to stop by Target."

"Why's that?" asked Bison.

"We're almost out of Jones Soda." said Rob. "You see, I'm a little loyal to them since they sponsored my skateboarding tour in 2004."

"Oh, that was lucky for you." said Patrick. "I was sponsored by Rover that year."

----------

Just behind them on the road, Lisa was driving the Stratus at breakneck speed while Weathers dialled his cell phone.

"Hold on, this thing isn't really a performance machine." said Lisa. "I really can't do what Miss Chaos can with it."

"Why did you take off that mask?" asked Weathers.

"I didn't take off the mask, SHE took off the mask." said Lisa.

Weathers finished dialling and put the phone to his ear.

At the airport in Miami, Mad Dog was walking away from the desk at Hertz when his cell phone went off. "Yo." he said as he answered.

"Mad Dog, it's Weathers. We just found out our hunch was right."

"So, Frankie Thunder and Rocco Henry are working together." said Mad Dog. "Did you try to stop them?"

"Yes, but they escaped." said Weathers. "They're now in a red Monte Carlo, but they're about half an hour behind the Cannonballers by my estimate. As long as the racers don't make any significant stops, they should be fine."

Mad Dog got worried. "Define significant." he said.

"Twenty minutes, half an hour tops." said Weathers.

"Get to New Orleans immediately." said Mad Dog as he saw his new rental car, yet another Stratus. "Is this the same car we had in Los Angeles?" he asked.

----------

Some time later as night was falling, J.J, Chuck, and Danny entered New Orleans. A few minutes later, they found a parking lot and pulled in.

After they exited their cars, they walked up to a muscular black man. "Greetings, Cannonballers." he said. "My name is Tyrell Hopkins. But you can call me Bonecrusher."

"Back in Brooklyn, I know a guy named 'Skullcrusher'. Any relation?" said Batman.

"No, but I am related to someone else." said Bonecrusher. "You know him as Mad Dog. He's my cousin and he let me and my family stay with him after Katrina hit us."

"Yeah, I heard about that." said Danny. "In Miami, we're used to hurricanes and well prepared for them. It was a big shock when Katrina bypassed us and ravaged New Orleans instead."

"Your task is to spend the next hour raising as much money for Katrina victims as you can." said Bonecrusher. "This is mandatory for all racers, so you will not lose positions."

"I know just what we'll do." said J.J. "Chuck, can you still do that thing you do?"

"I guess I can." said Chuck.

"I'm not exactly sure what we can do." said Danny.

Batman reached into the space behind the seats of the Lotus and pulled out a guitar.

"How did I not know he was carrying that?" asked Danny.

"Okay, guys." said Batman. "I was going to start off with 'New Pollution', but considering the venue, I decided on a different opener. This is, of course, Better Than Ezra."

Batman started to strum the guitar. After a few seconds, he started to sing. "Got an angel on the stairs/as if you'd even care./When the lights are up/and the sun had nearly gone...down."

----------

On a nearby street, the Volkswagen, MX-5, and Civic lined up at a crosswalk. Jill, Marcie, and Pete were behind their respective steering wheels.

"Okay, people." said Steve as he stood on the sidewalk and looked over the crowd. "This is how this works. You pay your five bucks. You get into your group. If your car wins, you get a return of ten dollars. We got one group on the Honda, one on the Mazda, and the last on the V-Dub. And don't even think about changing groups, cause we got these guys."

Monkey stood between the center group and one on the side. Jessie stood between the center one and the other side.

"Alright, guys." said Steve. "Let 'em rip!"

Jill, Marcie, and Pete revved their engines. The light turned green and they all raced down the street. The Volkswagen started to fall behind almost immediately. The Civic and Mazda fought hard, but then the Mazda pulled ahead just before it crossed the finish line.

The crowd cheered.

"Alright!" said Steve. "The Miata wins!"

"MX-5!" said Monkey.

"Shut up." said Steve. "Okay, so...uh, Jessie?"

Jessie walked over to him and he leaned in close to her ear.

"Which group is the Mazda?" he whispered.

----------

The Raider was parked behind the Chevelle in a parking lot.

"For just one dollar," said Terry "you can have your picture taken with a car that was on 'Overhaulin''. For two, you can touch the car while getting your picture taken."

"Let's give a big 'thank you' to Jackie and Michael for letting us use their camera and docking station." said Sarah.

"Am I the only one who finds it a little odd to be getting people to raise money for their own city?" asked Jackie. "Didn't these people feel the effects of Hurricane Katrina firsthand?"

"Hey, it's the thought that counts." said Michael as he worked at his computer.

"What are you doing?" asked Jackie.

"I'm tracking that tracer Professor Weathers told me about." said Michael.

"Where is it?" asked Jackie.

"Almost here." said Michael.

----------

At City Park...

"Welcome to the first ever skateboard race for charity." said Rob.

"That's right." said Patrick. "To raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims..."

"...these guys are going to do three laps around the Besthoff Sculpture Garden." said Bison.

Rob and Patrick lined up next to each other at the makeshift starting line.

"I don't see why we couldn't use my original choice." said Rob.

"Because people are buried in Lafayette Cemetery." said Patrick.

"Are you ready?" asked Bison.

Rob and Patrick gave him a thumbs-up.

"Go!" yelled Bison.

The two boarders took off. Rob took a quick lead alongside a small pond. They then crossed a bridge over the pond. On the other side, they took a short right around the pond, then another left to cross another bridge. While they were crossing the bridge, Patrick passed Rob.

"First lap down!" said Bison. The crowd cheered.

Patrick raced for the first bridge again with Rob right behind him. This time when he crossed, his board slipped out from under him and he fell. Rob swerved around him.

Rob turned around and yelled "Patrick, you alright?" He then hit a crack in the sidewalk and was thrown into the pond.

The crowd laughed. Patrick got back up and continued the race.

"Just part of the show." said Rob.

"Better get out of there before the crawdads get ya!" yelled a Cajun woman.

Rob quickly scrambled out of the pond.

----------

At the House of Blues...

"Once again, I'd like to thank you for your charitable donation of ten dollars apiece." said the Drake as he stood on stage with Ron and Venom. "Not only are you giving aid to your hometown, but you're also getting into HOB for a little less. As you know, I am paying for your entrance fee and food tab."

"You know, he could have just given them the money from his bank account and spent the hour sitting in his car." said Ron, who was holding a cowbell.

"Where'd you get a simple, yet brilliant idea like that?" asked Venom, who was holding a guitar.

"That's what Brad and Susan did." said Ron.

"To show my congratulations for your donations," said the Drake "I'd like to perform through one of my favorites. This is, of course, 'The Boys Are Back In Town'."

Venom started to rock out on the guitar. Ron joined soon after on the cowbell, but failed to keep pace. The Drake got on the vocals after that, but mispoke the entire first line.

----------

At Jackson Square...

"Ladies and gentlemen of New Orleans." said J.J. as he stood on a stage. "Welcome to our show. Tonight, you will see the most daring, courageous, and gutsy daredevil alive today...except for Evil Kneivel...I give you the one and only...Captain Chaos!"

Victor jumped up onstage wearing his mask and cape and cheered "Dah...dah...daaaahhh!"

"And now, I present Captain Chaos' noble assistant, Kato!" announced J.J.

Chuck jumped up onstage and did a few dance moves before stopping next to Chaos.

"Greetings, New Orleans." said Chuck. "Tonight, we are going to perform a trick of daring-do, the likes of which may never be seen again. Tonight, Captain Chaos is going to escape from this box." Chuck showed off a storage chest. "Sure, it looks simple. But the box will be suspended twenty feet above the Square."

The crowd cheered as Chaos climbed into the box.

"So, what's the secret?" asked J.J.

"Got me." said Chuck.

As a nearby crane started to lift the box into the air, Rocco and Frankie pulled up across the street and climbed out of the Monte Carlo.

"I can't believe it took us ten minutes to find this guy." said Rocco.

"Well, we found him." said Frankie. "Let's take him down."

Pamela walked up to the stage and said "J.J, guess who's coming?"

"Who?" asked J.J.

"Lisa and Professor Weathers." said Pamela. "I just got a call from them on my cell phone. They're in town, but he didn't say why."

"Here he comes." said Chuck.

Lisa pulled up to the curb in the Stratus. She and Weathers jumped out.

"Betty!" called Weathers.

"Professor Weathers, what's going on?" asked Betty.

"Where's Victor?" asked Lisa.

"You mean Captain Chaos?" asked Betty. "In there." she said while pointing at the box, which was now at the desired twenty feet.

Weathers took out his cell phone again and dialled.

"Can't you go without that thing for more than one minute?" asked Lisa.

"Jackie, it's Professor Weathers." he said. "Do you have a fix on that tracking device?" He got an answer in a couple of seconds. "Oh, God!" He quickly closed the phone. "The assassins are somewhere around here!" he said.

"Assassins?" asked Betty.

From across the street, Frankie took aim at Chuck with his handgun hidden in a rolled-up newspaper.

"Just a few more seconds and our contract is fullfilled." said Rocco.

"According to Jackie, they should be at the north side of the Square." said Weathers.

Lisa ran by in her Miss Chaos mask and cape and called "Dah...dah...daaahhhh!"

"Come on, or you get all that lottery money to yourself." said Weathers.

He ran after Miss Chaos. Betty started to follow, then stopped and smiled mischievously, then ran after him again.

"Now for a show these guys will never forget." said Frankie as he prepared to fire his gun.

Just then, Blake pulled up in his NSX and Fenderbaum threw open his door. He hit Frankie just as he was pulling the trigger and knocked him back.

The shot went into the air and hit one of the wires holding up the box Chaos was in. The wire broke a second later and the box swung towards Frankie and Rocco.

Chaos screamed all the way down. Frankie ran for cover, but Rocco just watched the box swing towards him in shock. It crashed into him a second later and knocked him through the window to a shop.

The box then broke open and Chaos tumbled out. He stood up a second later to the cheers of the audience.

"What did I miss?" asked Blake.

"Nothing yet." said Frankie as he aimed his gun at Chaos and tossed aside the newspaper.

Chaos took a defensive stance, but before he could act, Miss Chaos grabbed Frankie by the wrist and twisted it. She then used his gun to pistol whip himself in the nose. He stumbled away and dropped the gun. She turned to Chaos and posed triumphantly.

"Him didn't know you had it in you." said Chaos.

"Him will." said Miss Chaos.

Frankie and Rocco took off running.

"Get those guys!" yelled J.J. "They tried to kill Chuck!"

"Dah...dah...daaaahhh!" called Chaos as he ran off after them. Miss Chaos joined him.

Chuck watched them run off. "She's got a secret identity too?" he asked.

"Apparently so." said J.J.

"Unbelievable, two people I know are superheroes." said Chuck.

"You'll never guess my secret identity." said J.J.

----------

The Drake, Ron, and Venom walked out of the House of Blues disappointed.

"I think that's the first time a charity performance was banned from the House of Blues." said Ron.

"Hope we can still get in at the Chicago place." said the Drake.

Suddenly, Rocco ran by and plowed into him, knocking him down. Frankie kept running.

Rocco got back up and ran after him. "Don't just stand there, go after him." said the Drake.

Ron and Venom took off after them. After a block, Rocco and Frankie split up. Ron and Venom did the same.

Frankie took cover in a restaurant, shoving his way past a waiter. Venom ran in after him and chased him into the kitchen. Frankie was trying to exit through the emergency exit when Venom grabbed him and threw him up against the refrigerator.

The cooking staff looked at them in shock. Venom turned to them and snarled "No witnesses." The staff left immediately.

"So, Venom." said Frankie. "How has the past year been for you? I haven't seen you since the McClure wedding."

"What's this I hear about you trying to kill Chuck Prescott?" asked Venom. "Who are you working for?"

The door opened again. Venom looked over his shoulder to see Rocco had entered.

"You looking for a snack?" asked Venom.

"Nah, he ain't here for the food, V." said Frankie.

Ron and the Drake entered a second later.

Outside, Captain Chaos and J.J. showed up.

"Citizens?" said Chaos. "This is a dangerous situation and you'd best leave it to us."

He and J.J. entered the restaurant to find the fire alarm was now sounding. They entered the kitchen and found the Drake, Ron, and Venom standing around. The emergency door was open.

"Where did they go?" asked J.J.

"Relax." said the Drake. "The situation is under control."

----------

Sometime later, the Raider and Chevelle pulled out of the parking lot.

"See ya later, New Orleans!" said Terry. "We'll be back soon!"

----------

Danny raced through Mississippi during a raging thunderstorm. Unfortunately, the top was still open.

Inside, Danny shielded his face with his hand while Batman had his jacket pulled over his head.

"Where's the top?" yelled Batman.

"It's in Miami!" yelled Danny.

"What?" yelled Batman.

"I thought it would slow us down!" yelled Danny.

"It's a targa top!" yelled Batman.

"It's a Lotus Elise!" yelled Danny. "The top probably weighs more than the engine!"

"Please tell me you brought the spare!" said Batman.

----------

Jill, Pete, and Marcie cruised over the Mississippi/Alabama state line.

"So this is the state that gave us Jill." said Monkey.

"Yeah, for a few years, her accent was really thick." said Marcie. "We used to call her 'Belle' as in Southern Belle."

"She doesn't have an accent now." said Monkey.

"Thank God for that." said Marcie.

"So, this is your home state." said Jessie.

"Sure is." said Jill with a Southern drawl.

"What was that?" asked Jessie.

"What was what?" asked Jill, again with a Southern drawl.

"Why are you talking like Daisy Duke all of a sudden?" asked Jessie.

"Oh, was I?" asked Jill, again with the drawl. "I declare. I didn't notice."

"Hey, ever wonder how many Scooby-Doo episodes took place in the South?" asked Pete.

"No, I never really thought about it." said Steve.

"Yeah, they'd be looking into an abandoned plantation or something." said Pete. "The bad guy would go up and scare them disguised as some ghost or something. Scooby and Shaggy would run for their lives. Then, the guys would solve the big mystery and no more fear."

"Come to think of it, there were a few X-Files episodes out this way too." said Steve.

"Yeah, there were." said Pete. "You know, it's funny. I don't recall any Scooby references on 'The X-Files', but the guys on 'Buffy' were called 'The Scooby Gang'."

"Yeah, that is weird." said Steve. "Weird enough to be investiagted by Agent Mulder."

"Or Buffy." said Pete.

"Or Scooby and those meddling kids." said Steve.

A siren chriped behind them.

"Shit." said Pete. He accelerated.

Marcie watched Pete drive past her. "Go time." she said.

Jill watched her teammates drive past her. "Someone done went and called in a smokey." she again said with a drawl.

"Would you PLEASE stop talking like that?" said Jessie.

The police vehicle, a Tahoe, raced past her. Jill glimpsed the officer's face. "Oh, you're kidding." she said.

Pete tried to increase his lead, but Marcie managed to stay with him.

"Why are you trying to beat her?" asked Steve.

"I'm trying to keep from being the one caught." said Pete.

"I see a shortcut." said Steve. "Cut through there."

Pete aimed for a dirt trail to the side of the road and drove down it. He came out the other side and managed to jump the Civic. Unfortunately, he lost control upon landing and spun it out. The Mazda was forced to stop to avoid hitting them. The police Tahoe stopped right next to them and the officer jumped out.

"I don't know if you're more dangerous driving or not." said Steve as he climbed out of the Civic.

Pete, Monkey, and Marcie followed suit.

"Hi, officer." said Monkey. "Nice night, isn't it? Please don't call my dad."

"You guys are in a heap of trouble." said the officer as the Volkswagen pulled up. "Just wait until the judge hears about this."

Jill and Jessie climbed out of the Volkswagen. "Cletus!" yelled Jill.

The officer turned to her and said "Jill? By God, it is you!"

"What? You thought I done forgot about you?" asked Jill, drawl in full effect.

"Ain't seen you in a while." said Cletus. "It was nice when you called last month."

"Thank you kindly." said Jill. "So, what's going on with my friends here?"

"Oh, you know these guys?" asked Cletus.

"They really don't mean no harm." said Jill. "Just born with a lead foot, I guess."

"Well, if it's okay with you, maybe I can just write them up for speeding." said Cletus. "I'll even knock twenty miles per hour off, okay?"

"Just fine." said Jill. "I'll do my best to keep them in check."

"Just be careful out there." said Cletus. "Some of the officers down the road may not be so understanding."

"Right." said Jill.

After Cletus handed out tickets to Marcie and Pete, then returned to his truck. The racers then returned to their cars.

"That was a good thing you did back there." said Jessie.

"I do what I can." said Jill.

"So, how do you know that guy?" asked Jessie.

"He's my brother." said Jill.

----------

Jackie drove through the swamp as the sun started to come up.

"Know why they call the swamp the bayou in the South?" asked Michael.

"Why?" asked Jackie.

"Because you never know what's floating by you." said Michael.

Jackie let out a little laugh.

"Still, this was a good idea for a shortcut." said Michael.

"And we're the only team that can use it." said Jackie. "Four wheel drive, baby!"

"We've probably made up about half an hour." said Michael.

Just then, the Raider drove into a section of swamp and got stuck. Jackie floored the accelerator, but the truck wouldn't move.

"We were going great guns, though." said Michael.

"Well, now we're not." said Jackie. "Any bright ideas?"

"Okay, okay." said Michael. "I had a feeling something like this would happen."

"A feeling?" asked Jackie.

"Alright, I planned for the possibility." said Michael. "We've got us a secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?" asked Jackie.

"Right here." said Michael as he fiddled with the keyboard. The Mitsubishi emblem on the grill folded forward and extended.

Michael turned on the truck's fog lamps and spotted a wooden fence just ahead of them.

"Can we latch onto that?" asked Jackie.

"Watch me, Jackie boy." said Michael. "Just put 'er in neutral and hold on to your seat."

Jackie put the truck into neutral while Michael worked some more on his keyboard. He then hit return just as a tractor-trailer drove by on the road ahead of them. The emblem fired from the grill and hooked onto the trailer's rear step. The Raider was violently jerked out of the swamp.

After the Raider was pulled back onto the road, Jackie righted himself in the driver's seat and Michael got up as well.

"How do you unhook it?" asked Jackie.

"Manually." said Michael. "Unfortunately, that's not an option at the moment."

"Well, think of the gas we'll save." said Jackie.

Michael laughed.

----------

J.J. and Chuck raced into the Florida panhandle.

"What happened to your assailants?" asked J.J. over the radio.

"Got me." said Chuck. "They came at me, then just walked away."

"Maybe they saw the trouble and decided to come back at a more opportune time." said Betty.

"I hope you're wrong." said Chuck. "This is an opportune time right now."

Not far behind them, the Monte Carlo continued to race up behind them.

"What's the plan?" asked Frankie.

"Wait until his next pit stop, then grab him." said Rocco.

"Sounds simple." said Frankie.

"Hey, Chuck." said J.J. "I'm running low on fuel. I think we should stop at the next gas station."

"Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom." said Chuck. "There's a Stuckey's coming up. Maybe we can go there."

"Good call." said J.J.

"Stuckey's?" asked Pamela. "They still have those?"

At the Stuckey's, the two cars pulled in and pulled up to the pumps. The occupants exited their cars.

"I'll gas up." said Betty.

"I'll take a piss." said Chuck.

"I'm going to see if those pecan log rolls are all I've heard." said Victor.

Chuck entered the bathroom and walked over to a toilet while undoing his pants. "Wow, these are as clean as they say." he said.

Frankie pulled into the Stuckey's and made his way to the bathrooms. Rocco climbed out of the car.

"How's it gonna work?" asked Frankie.

"We're doing this quick and painless." said Rocco. "In and out, just like that."

"Right, I'll keep the engine running." said Frankie.

In the store, Victor walked up to the pecan log rolls. "Ooh, we meet at last." he said.

In the restroom, Chuck calmly used the toilet and let out a sigh of relief. That relief was then shattered when he heard the click of a gun. He turned to look and saw it was in the hand of Rocco. "Come on." he said.

J.J. finished filling his tank. "I win." he said.

Betty finished filling her tank as well. "Show off." she said.

Pamela laughed. Suddenly, Frankie backed the Monte Carlo into the space next to the Mustang. Chuck jumped up in the backseat and started waving his hands.

"Jesus!" yelled J.J.

As the Monte Carlo tore out, J.J. and Betty used their credit cards to pay for their gas. As Victor ran out of the store with a box of pecan log rolls, J.J, Pamela, and Betty jumped into their cars.

"Hurry, Victor!" yelled J.J. "They've grabbed Chuck!"

Betty climbed out of the Mustang. "I've got a problem." she said. "I can't drive a stick shift."

Victor handed the box to Pamela and said "Hold my rolls. I'll handle this."

He jumped into the Mustang's driver's seat while Betty got into the passenger seat. Both cars raced off after the Monte Carlo.

----------

Somewhere in the Florida panhandle, Blake raced along in the NSX. He and Fenderbaum were listening to the police scanner.

"This is Unit 5 reporting a speeder heading east on Interstate 10. He went by too fast for me to pursue. Suspect is driving a yellow SSR."

"Didn't we see him at the starting line?" asked Fenderbaum.

"Excuse me." said the dispatcher. "Suspect is driving WHAT?"

"An SSR."

"A WHAT?"

Unit 5 groaned over the radio. "A Chevrolet SSR. It's a pickup truck."

"Oh, you mean a Silverado."

"No, no, it's a sport truck. It looks like it was based on the Chevy pickup of the 50s."

There was a pause of three seconds, then the dispatcher asked "Are you making this up?!"

Fenderbaum buried his face in his hands as he laughed.

"Look, do you have access to a computer?" asked Unit 5. "Look it up at General Motors' website or Wikipedia or something."

Blake's radar detector started to go off.

"I can't use a computer right now! I'm dispatching!"

"Hold on, I've got another speeder."

The radar detector changed from an approaching beep to a passing beep.

"I've got another one. This one's driving a red NSX."

"You mean an _R_SX."

"No, an _N_SX!"

"Look, if you're not going to take this job seriously, don't bother calling these in!"

Blake and Fenderbaum burst out laughing.

----------

The Monte Carlo pulled into a driveway leading to a beach house in Panama City. The Camaro and Mustang pulled up by the side of the road and all of their occupants climbed out.

"This city's name reminds me of that scene in 'Sahara'." said Victor.

"Let's go." said J.J.

Frankie and Rocco made their way into the living room and shoved Chuck through the doorway. J.C. was sitting on the couch.

"Did you hire these guys?" asked Chuck. "They seem to be extremely rude."

"You didn't kill him?" asked J.C.

"We thought you'd like to watch us do that." said Frankie.

"Uh, no. That's okay." said J.C. "Just showing me the corpse would be sufficient."

"Ready to let us kill him now?" asked Rocco.

"Just a second." said Chuck. "There's something I would like to know first. J.C, you hired these thugs to kill me. That must have something to do with the Westfield Project. What is it that's so important about the Westfield Project?"

"Why should I tell you?" asked J.C. "You're going to die either way."

"Well, I'd at least like to know what I'm dying for." said Chuck.

"If you must know," said J.C. "the Westfield Project is a dumping site for toxic chemicals. Magnacorp would have gotten a decent fortune from it had you not halted the project."

"Unbelievable." said Chuck. "You're putting your financial greed ahead of environmental concerns."

"Welcome to the business world." said J.C.

"Is Miss Whitaker in on this?" asked Chuck.

"I don't know if you're talking about the Westfield Project or your assassination." said J.C. "But she's in on both. Now that I've said all you should know, Frankie and Rocco, take him out back and shoot him."

"We can't do that, J.C." said Frankie.

"Why not?" asked J.C.

"Because we only had to keep you talking until you confessed." said Rocco as he held up a tape recorder.

"What the hell?" asked J.C.

J.J. and the others entered. "Did you get it?" asked Pamela.

"Every word." said Frankie.

"You see," said J.J. "back in New Orleans, the Drake made a new deal with them. Instead of killing Chuck, they help to bring you in."

"The Drake's financing this from his own pocket." said Chuck. "This isn't going to cost me a penny and I get to watch you fry."

"Well, I wonder if the Drake can pay these two if he's serving a jail sentence for drug runnning." said J.C.

"Like he's going to go to jail for that." said Betty.

"He just might." said J.C. "I had Rocco steal a list of the cars in the race and fax them to me. And I sent it to the Florida State Police, telling them it was a list of drug runners. They will chase down your fellow Cannonballers and arrest them if I don't tell them it was a mistake. And I'm not doing that unless you release me."

"Did you get that?" asked Victor.

"You mean you wanted me to keep recording?" asked Rocco.

"Every fricking cop in Florida is going to be after the Cannonballers." said Pamela.

"We gotta warn them." said Victor. "We have to tell them to get to the finish line as quickly as possible."

"Aren't they doing that anyway?" asked Betty.

"Let's go and get them out of danger." said J.J.

"Hey, if there's a reward for this guy, can we have it?" asked Frankie.

"Fine by me." said J.J.

He and the others ran to the door. Chuck was the last to leave, but before going through the doors, he turned to J.C, pointed, and said "You've made a huge mistake."

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. Final Rush

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Chapter 8: Final Rush

AN:While I was working on this chapter, there was a bit of family drama. One of the scenes with Brad and Susan (the one after the finish) might seem a little insensitive in this context. This was unintentional and the scene in question was planned before the family drama.  
Aside from that, a winner is chosen and a few of the storylines will be resolved.

A black Bentley Continental GT raced through Northern Florida. A Florida State Trooper was hot on his tail.

"He seems to want us to pull over." said the female passenger with a faked British accent.

"Yes, he does. Doesn't he?" replied the driver with an equally faked accent.

"Well, shouldn't you pull over?" asked the passenger.

"I'd rather not." said the driver. "I find American cops to be quite a bore."

"Dispatch, this is unit 8." said the pursuing officer. "Still in pursuit of the black Bentley. Request permission to use Auto-Taser. Over."

"Copy, unit 8." replied dispatch. "Permission granted. Over."

The officer flipped a switch on the dashboard and a small device lowered from the front bumper. The device had a pair of small rockets on the sides and a pair of leads on the top. The officer positioned his cruiser behind the Bentley, then pressed a button on the steering wheel with his thumb.

The device shot out of its mount and ran under the Bentley. The leads connected with the engine and sparks shot off as a powerful electrical surge shot through the ECU. The Bentley was disabled and rolled off to the side of the road.

"This is unit 8 again." said the officer as he brought his cruiser to a halt. "I have subdued the suspect. Am apprehending now. Over."

"Well, this is a bit of a sticky wicket." said the passenger.

"Stop talking like that. Please." said the driver, this time with an American accent.

The police officer got out of his cruiser and approached the Bentley. He looked up as a blur of white, green, and orange zipped by: Rob's Mini Cooper.

"Jesus, they got the Bentley!" said Patrick as he looked over his shoulder.

"What were those wires sticking out of the police car?" asked Bison as he drove.

"I don't know." said Rob as he picked up the radio. "But I know someone who should."

----------

Victor and Chuck raced through Florida.

J.J. picked up the radio. "Chuck, you got anything on your radar detector?" he asked.

"Negative." said Chuck. "I'm clean and green. Although, if the cops are looking for us, it's not radar we should be worried about. They most likely have our plates."

"He's got a point." said Victor.

"Right." said J.J.

"Breaker, breaker. Are any Cannonballers out there?" said Rob over the radio.

"This is J.J. Come back."

"Chuck here. Go ahead."

"This is Danny. What's up?"

"The police got the Bentley." said Rob.

"Great, we lost one." said J.J.

"There's more." said Rob. "Bison saw a few wires running from the police cruiser."

"Oh, the deuce you say." said Danny.

"Yes?" asked Chuck.

"There's this new device the Florida State Police are using." said Danny. "I read about it in the Herald. It's called an Auto-Taser. What it does is it's fired from the front bumper of a police car, then the leads connect to the target's engine. It fires an electrical pulse through the engine which shorts out the ECU."

"The ECU can be replaced." said Chuck.

"Yeah, but not until after arrest and trial." said J.J.

"On the bright side," continued Danny "these are single-use weapons. They have to be reset at the police garage before they can be used again."

"How many of these are there in use?" asked Rob.

"Five." said Danny.

"They used one on the Bentley." said J.J. "That leaves four others."

"Four in the entire state of Florida." said Betty. "That gives me a little sense of confidence."

----------

Jackie drove the Raider down a highway just outside of Gainesville.

"So how long before we get to Miami?" asked Jackie.

"About 350 miles." said Michael.

"What about Orlando?" asked Jackie.

"117." said Michael.

"Ah, screw Miami." said Jackie. "Disney World, here we come."

A pair of police cars got on their tail.

"Oh no. We've got trouble." said Michael.

"I'll see if I can lose them." said Jackie.

"You do realize this is a pickup truck, right?" asked Michael.

"Dispatch, we are in pursuit of a black Mitsubishi Raider." said the passenger in one of the cruisers. "Description matches one of the suspected drug runners. Requesting permission to use the Auto-Taser."

"This is dispatch. Hold off on the Auto-Taser. We're still trying to get confirmation of description."

"Mike?" asked Jackie.

"Yeah?" asked Michael.

"What's with the front bumper on that cruiser?" asked Jackie.

"Oh shit." said Michael. "They've got an Auto-Taser. I read about that in Popular Mechanics."

"Shall I continue my attempt to lose them?" asked Jackie.

"Keep it up." said Michael.

The cruiser without the Auto-Taser swerved around them and swooped in front of them.

"Cut around them." said Michael.

"I'm trying." said Jackie. He tried to pass the cruiser, but it kept swerving in front of him.

"This is dispatch. We have confirmed description of the black Raider. Permission to use Auto-Taser granted."

"Copy, dispatch." said the officer. She started to activate the Auto-Taser.

"Oh, this is not good." said Jackie as the Auto-Taser lowered into position in his rearview.

"Hold on." said Michael as he started to work on his keyboard.

"Steady. Steady." said the officer driving the cruiser. "Now!"

His partner fired the Auto-Taser. At the same time, Michael hit his return key. The Raider's hydraulic suspension raised and the Auto-Taser completely missed the truck's undercarriage. Instead, it shot under the lead cruiser and shorted out the engine.

Jackie swerved out of the way of the cruiser and tore off. The pursuing officer was forced to hit the brakes.

Michael laughed and fived Jackie.

----------

Brad drove down a highway at high speed.

"I never thanked you for dinner last night." said Susan.

"You're welcome." said Brad. "By the way, you really put away those pickles."

"What can I say? I like pickles." said Susan.

Not far behind them, the Drake closed in. He had his satellite radio set to the classic rock station and "Don't Fear The Reaper" was playing.

"This is an appropriate song because it sends the right message to Brad." said the Drake.

"Little dark on that one, huh?" said Ron.

"What do you think of this song, Ron?" asked Venom.

"Mmm, needs more cowbell." said Ron.

Down the road, a pair of state troopers were set up across the road. One was using a pair of binoculars.

"We've got a couple coming our way." he said. "A silver Chrysler 300 and a black BMW."

"Prepare to take them down." said the other.

A third officer was waiting a little further down the road with a spike strip.

"What's that for?" asked the officer with the binoculars.

"Just in case they make it past the roadblock." said the officer with the spike strip.

Brad looked in his rearview. "Well, Drake, we meet again." he said.

"He's seen us." said the Drake. "He knows it's time."

"In more ways than one. Look!" said Venom.

"Oh God, doesn't he see that?" asked Ron.

"Brad, look out. Look out." said the Drake as he started to slow down.

"Why are you braking, Drake?" asked Brad.

"Look out!" screamed Susan.

The officer with the binoculars let out a quick grunt, then ran for cover. Brad got on the brakes.

But he was too late.

The Chrysler plowed into one of the patrol cars, shoving it out of the way. The car's driver's side headlights, grill, and front bumper were torn off. The hood flew open and cracked the windshield before the mounts gave out and the hood fell to the side.

The Drake aimed for the spot where Brad hit the cruiser and used it to bypass the roadblock. The officer with the spike strip saw his shot and tossed the strip across the road. However, the Drake was able to swerve around it.

"Whoa!" laughed Venom.

"Glad I took this job now." said Ron.

One officer got into the surviving cruiser. (The one Brad hit suffered a bent axle.) As he drove off after the two, the other officer retracted the spike strip.

The Drake pulled alongside Brad and they lowered their windows.

"Drake, my engine is heavily damaged!" said Brad. "I'm losing power! I don't think I can outrun this smokey!"

"There's an access road for maintenance up ahead!" said the Drake. "If you pull off there, he might not see you!"

Half a mile down the road, they came upon the access road. Brad drove onto it and stopped. He then backed up. A second after he got out of sight, the police car raced by.

----------

Another police car was in pursuit of the Civic. Unfortunately, Pete was driving.

"Guys!" yelled Steve into the radio. "We're being chased by a patrol car with one of those Auto-Tasers! And Pete's driving! This is literally my worst nightmare!"

"God, don't tell me." said Monkey over his radio. "He's trying to get the cop to wreck."

"Krikey, Pete!" said Jessie over her radio. "Are you trying to get yourself killed or something?"

"I'm trying to ditch this guy." said Pete. "You'll thank me."

"These guys are going after the Cannonballers with a vengeance!" said Jessie. "Do you think they're going to relax their intent for you? Doubt it."

"No one's gonna say we didn't try." said Pete.

Pete failed to notice the cop had deployed his Auto-Taser. Steve had. A second later, the taser fired. However, the officer failed to take the Civic's lowered stance and ground effects kit into account. The taser bounced off the rear bumper harmlessly.

"Dammit! His rear valence is too low!" said the officer.

"Unit 16, you have clearance to use the PIT maneuver. Over." said the dispatcher.

"Are you sure that's safe?" asked the officer. "He's driving a Civic."

"You can take him down safely." said dispatch. "Don't worry about it."

Pete poured on the speed as the police cruiser kept with him.

"My nightmare is getting worse!" said Steve. "He is accelerating like a maniac! On top of that, I think we're short an airbag!"

"What's your location?" asked Marcie.

"We just passed a turnoff for Lady Lake." said Steve.

"Shit, we're fifty miles away." said Monkey as he checked his road atlas.

"Twenty." said Jessie. "We can't get there in time."

"I can." said Jill. "Give me the mike."

Jessie handed her the radio microphone.

"Pete, this is Jill. Knock it off. Now!"

"This guy needs to be taught that the Cannonballers will not go quietly." said Pete.

"But this is not the way to do it." said Jill. "Doing it this way will most likely get you, and Steve, and perhaps innocent people seriously hurt."

"I can't talk now." said Pete. "Let it be known who decided to sacrifice himself for the race."

"Pete, I love you!" blurted out Jill.

Pete froze for a second and stared at the radio for a second. "What?" he finally said.

"What?" said Jessie.

"What?" said Monkey. Marcie just smiled.

"Pete, I have had an attraction for you since we first met." said Jill. "It's like that song from the 80s goes. Everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you."

"Didn't see that one coming." said Monkey.

"I did." said Marcie.

"When you had your accident, I stayed with you at the hospital all night." said Jill. "I thought I'd lost you that night. And after seeing how it's affected you, I'm starting to think I was right. Pete, please stop doing this."

Pete looked away from the radio stunned. It was then he noticed he had wandered into the oncoming lane and was now approaching a large truck. He quickly swerved around it. The truck driver lost control and spun it out, forcing the police car to drive into the ditch.

Pete raced down the road, hyperventilating.

"Are you alright?" asked Steve.

"I think I'll let you drive at the next opportunity." said Pete.

"Well, it's about damn time!" said Steve.

Pete didn't realize that in his shock, he pressed the transmit button on the radio and Jill heard everything. "I know, Steve." she said to herself. "I know."

----------

Danny guided his Lotus down another highway.

"For the last time," he said "it's Herald as in 'Hark, the Herald Angels Sing'. Not Harold, as in 'Harold and Maude'."

"Well, I think they should have thought of that when they named the paper." said Batman.

A pair of Florida state troopers got on their tail. One was equipped with an Auto-Taser.

"Oh boy." said Danny. "We've got a couple of them and one's got an Auto-Taser."

"This is Unit 9 reporting. We are in pursuit of a silver Lotus. Vehicle matches description of drug running suspect. Unit 18 is assisting and is equipped with an Auto-Taser. Over."

"Ten-four, Unit 9." said dispatch. "Prepare to take down the suspect."

"Try to lose these guys." said Batman.

"Don't I always?" asked Danny.

He upshifted and accelerated. He swerved around a few slower moving cars. However, the police cars managed to stay with him. They soon reached a section without traffic.

"Lose 'em! Lose 'em!" begged Batman.

"I'm trying!" yelled Danny.

Unit 18 got directly behind Danny. Unit 9 hung off to the side.

"I've got him lined up." said Unit 18. "Ready to take my shot."

"Roger, Unit 18." said Unit 9. He looked at Danny's Lotus and the license plate caught his eye. He noticed they were Florida plates reading "KIWIBOY3". He quickly picked up his radio and said "Unit 18, abort! Repeat, abort!"

"I hear you and I disregard." said Unit 18. "I have to bring this guy in whether you help me or not." He then activated the Auto-Taser.

"Abort the attack." said Unit 9. "Something's wrong here."

"We can sort this out after we run him in!" said Unit 18. "Don't disobey orders!"

"If that's the way it's going to be..." said Unit 9.

He slowed down until his front bumper was even with Unit 18's rear bumper. He then steered towards Unit 18 until they connected, then he kept the motion until Unit 18 spun out.

In his surprise, Unit 18 fired the Auto-Taser and knocked out Unit 9's engine. He managed to guide the disabled cruiser to the side of the road.

Danny saw the whole thing in his rearview. "What the hell just happened?" he asked.

----------

Victor and Chuck continued to race together down the highway. A police cruiser was hot on them.

"Unit 29 reporting. In pursuit of two suspects, a green Camaro and a blue Mustang. Will be apprehending soon."

"Acknowledged, Unit 29. Permission to use the Auto-Taser has been granted."

"J.J, need I remind you what happens if this guy uses that Auto-Taser on us?" asked Chuck over the radio.

"No, you don't, Chuck." said J.J. "I'm well aware of that."

"Come on, Victor!" squealed Pamela. "If you couldn't, Captain Chaos would!"

"I know." said Victor.

"You have to call him." said J.J.

"It's not like I can just whip out my cell phone and call him." said Victor. "He comes and goes at his will and now he's not around here."

"That seems to be his deal." said J.J. "When you want him, he's not around. When you don't want him, he's around. Pamela, I'm coming back for a soda."

J.J. started to climb into the back seat. Halfway there...

"DUN DUN DAAAHHH!!!"

The sudden acceleration sent J.J. flying into the backseat. He landed straddling Pamela. They looked at each other and smiled.

Captain Chaos drove the Camaro through traffic, weaving around the slower moving vehicles.

Unit 29 decided to instead focus on Chuck when he saw how difficult catching Chaos would be. He positioned himself behind Chuck and activated his Auto-Taser.

Chuck looked at him in the rearview and said "Don't think so."

He pushed the pedal to the floor and swerved between two other cars.

"You're driving like a lunatic!" said Betty.

"Yeah." said Chuck. "But I'm the lunatic you married."

He quickly got behind the Camaro and followed it through the gridlock. When they got into thinner traffic, Chuck pulled alongside Chaos. The police cruiser stayed with them, Auto-Taser still activated.

"Who's it gonna be, pal?" asked J.J.

"Ever have to make up your mind?" asked Chuck.

The police cruiser pulled up behind them and hung back for a few seconds. Suddenly, it retracted the Auto-Taser, turned off its lights, and slowed down.

"What the hell?" asked Betty.

"He broke off the pursuit." said Pamela.

"This is a call going out to all Cannonballers." said Blake over the radio. "I heard about the APB about our supposed drug running. It's not us. I know what you're thinking."

"Were we thinking that?" asked Patrick in the Mini.

"I've just received word that the APB has been lifted." continued Blake. "The guy who initially reported it just recanted his report."

"Yeah!" yelled Batman in the Lotus. He and Danny high-fived each other.

J.J. grabbed the radio. "So, we're in the clear?" he asked.

"We're in the clear." said Blake. "So, if there are no more emergencies, false reports, or love proclamations..."

Jill blushed at that statement.

"...let's all make our run for the finish." said Blake.

Betty squealed with delight. Chuck followed.

----------

The Drake eased the M6 out of its hiding place and took back to the highway.

"I thought he'd never leave." said Venom.

"Right." said the Drake.

Ron's cell phone went off. "Ron Lucas." He handed the phone to the Drake.

"Go ahead." said the Drake.

"Drake, it's Brad. I've got a fissure in my radiator the size of the Loop. My car doesn't appear capable of a high-speed run. I'm afraid I'm going to have to concede victory to you on this one."

"Nice run anyway." said the Drake. "Try to make it to the finish line. I'll see you there." He hung up. "Brad's out of the race."

"Well, I guess you can stop driving yourself crazy then." said Venom.

"Maybe." said the Drake.

----------

"Miami, here we come." said Michael.

"Why don't you cue up some Christian pop stars?" said Jackie.

Michael hit a couple of keys on his computer. "Rush" started to play again.

**Into your head, into your mind.  
Out of your soul, race through your veins.  
You can't escape, you can't escape.**

Steve drove the Civic through a turn.

**Can you feel it? Can you feel it?  
Rushing through your head,  
rushing through your hair.  
Can you feel it? Can you feel it?**

Blake's NSX powered down a highway.

**Don't let nobody tell you your life is over.  
Be every color that you are.**

Marcie raced under a sign for the Miami exit on the highway.

**Into the rush now, you don't have to know how.  
Know it all before you try.**

Terry guided his Chevelle past the Orange Bowl.

**It takes you to another place.  
Imagine everything you can.  
All the colors start to blend.  
Your system overloads again.**

"Not far from the finish now." said Terry.

"Wouldn't it be so cool if we won?" asked Sarah. "I wonder how Mel wound react?"

"Ah, he wouldn't mind." said Terry. "We've already got a victory under our belts."

"Really?" asked Sarah.

"I never told you that?" asked Terry. "We won the 2002 race."

"Unbelievable." said Sarah. "I've been married to a Cannonball winner all this time and he didn't tell me."

----------

Somewhere in Little Havana, Blake pulled up to a street corner and lowered his window.

A Cuban man walked over to him and said "Nice car, ese."

"Thanks." said Blake. "Can you please tell me where the causeway to Miami Beach is?"

"Oh sure." said the man. "Just go back the way you came until you reach Seventh Street, go east until you find Twelth Avenue, then go north and hit the highway going east."

"Go back?" asked Blake.

"Yes." said the man.

"Thank you." said Blake. He quickly turned around and headed back the way he came.

"Nice going." said Fenderbaum.

"I made a mistake. Shoot me." said Blake.

"You probably cost us the race." said Fenderbaum. "I know Danny's most likely ahead of us."

----------

Elsewhere, Danny nervously drove his Lotus down the street at a scant thirty miles per hour. The reason was because there was a police car behind him.

"Why don't you just pull over and let him go?" asked Batman.

----------

Chaos and Chuck raced down the MacArthur Causeway heading for Miami Beach. They weaved around the other cars, resulting in a few horns blasting.

"J.J, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for saving my life." said Chuck.

"Don't mention it." said J.J. "I'm just doing what anyone should do."

"So, where is this Kiwi Club, anyway?" asked Chuck.

"It's a little bit north of the causeway." said J.J. "It's on the eastern coast of Miami Beach."

Just then, Terry tore past them in the Chevelle.

"Not this time, Fletcher." said Chuck.

The three muscle machines continued across the causeway. They finally reached Miami Beach and turned onto a street.

"Hey, J.J." said Chuck. "Where did Terry start in relation to us?"

"I think he was maybe a minute behind us." said J.J. "I don't think we can beat him."

The Chevelle cut down another street. "We're almost there." said Terry. "The Kiwi Club's just at the end of this street."

"Nothing's in our way now." said Sarah.

Suddenly, a blur of black raced out of a side street and began racing alongside Terry. It was the Drake's BMW.

"There's Terry." said Ron.

"Didn't he leave around the same time as us?" asked Venom.

"He did." said the Drake.

"Terry, you can't let him beat us." said Sarah.

"I won't." said Terry. He floored the accelerator and upshifted.

Down the street, a crowd had gathered at the Kiwi Club. They started to cheer when they saw the cars approaching.

Terry started to pull ahead of the Drake. Seeing this, the Drake started to get serious. He put his BMW into the next gear and accelerated.

"Go to the next gear when you get the chance." said Sarah.

"There is no next gear." said Terry. "This is the top gear."

The two cars started to pull even. Both continued to run hard and fast.

Terry checked his tachometer. It was at the redline. He looked at how far he had to go, then tried to gauge how long the engine would last at that point. He then did the unthinkable. He released the accelerator.

"Terry?" said Sarah. "What are you doing? He's pulling ahead."

The Drake raced across the finish line and slid his BMW into a parking space. Terry found a space next to him as he jumped out. The Drake ran up to the time clock and jammed his time card into it.

"Your turn, Fletcher." said the Drake.

Terry walked up to the clock and punched it with his card. The official compared the two. "Sorry, Terry." she said. "He beat you by a few seconds."

"Ah damn." said Terry.

Chaos and Chuck pulled into a couple of spaces themselves. They got out and ran to the clock. As they predicted, their times came nowhere close to beating the Drake's.

"Our first Cannonball in three years." said Betty. "What happens? Someone tries to kill us, the police try to use unnecessary force, and we lose by less than a minute."

"I know." said Chuck. "It's good to be back." He then hugged her.

----------

Five minutes later, Jill clocked in. However, her time wasn't even close to beating the Drake's. By the time Blake finished ten minutes after that, the Drake had been declared the official winner. Two hours later, Brad became the official last place finisher as he limped his battered Chrysler into the parking lot.

"So, who won?" he asked as he climbed out. An official pointed to the Drake. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding!" he said.

"Terry, you could've had him!" said J.J. as he sat at a table with Terry, Chuck, and their teammates. "You were running almost neck and neck!"

"You couldn't see my tach." said Terry. "I was hovering over the redline those last few yards. If I kept it up, I would've blown the engine. I figured if I was gonna lose anyway, I might as well save the car."

J.J, Victor, Sarah, and Chuck looked at him like they understood what he was talking about.

"That car is a gift." said Terry. "Mel went through a lot of trouble getting it Overhauled. I couldn't destroy his act of kindness. But still, it was great running with it."

"Almost racked up a second victory." said Chuck.

"You know, I wonder why J.C. recanted." said Betty.

----------

Earlier, Frankie held J.C. against the table while Rocco held the phone to his ear.

"It was a lie!" said J.C. "It was all a big lie!"

----------

Pete walked over to Jill near their cars. "Hey, did you really mean what you said out there over the radio?" he asked.

"Well, I just wanted you to stop going crazy before you got yourself hurt." said Jill. "Although, I must care about you a lot if I wanted to do that."

"You were really there with me all night when I had the accident?" asked Pete.

"I didn't have anything better to do." said Jill. "That is, except make sure the love of my life isn't alone in a time of need."

"That's so cool." said Pete. "You know I would do the same for you. You think it's okay if I were to kiss you in front of all these guys?"

"Why not?" yelled Blake. "We heard your emotional outburst all over the radio."

Everyone laughed.

"Guess so." said Jill. Pete pulled her close by her shoulders and gave her a big kiss.

Everyone cheered. "Another radar lover." said Jackie.

Steve stood next to Jessie. He then turned to her and said "You know, Jess. We're the only two members of this crew not to hook up."

"You know, you're absolutely right." said Jessie. "Let's keep it that way." She walked away and left him staring in surprise.

The garden gnome stood behind the wheel of the BMW as Rob took its picture.

"Okay, it's done." said Rob.

Patrick climbed out of the car with the gnome. "Let's see it." he said.

Rob showed him the picture on his digital camera. "That's cool." said Bison.

"Yeah, I know." said Rob. "We got all kinds across the country. Grand Canyon, Four Corners, Cadillac Ranch, those two guys in the Mercury Mistake."

"So, what's next?" asked Patrick.

"I thought we'd kick around Miami for a couple of days until you have to go back to Ireland." said Rob.

"Alright." said Patrick. "And the gnome?"

Rob looked at the gnome and took a mischievous look. "I wonder if he has a passport?" he asked.

Professor Weathers and Lisa pulled up in their rented Stratus. They walked away a few feet, then Mad Dog's Stratus caught Weathers' eye. "Had me going for a while." he said to himself.

Brad stood with the Drake and his team while Susan talked with someone else.

"How did you manage to pull that off?" asked Brad.

"I have you and your lack of attention to thank." said the Drake. "After you took yourself out of the race, I was able to concentrate on doing my best driving instead of just trying to beat you. I just wanted to finish cleanly. I didn't expect to win."

"Well, touche." said Brad as Susan walked over.

"Ah, Brad." she said. "I'm supposed to give you this."

She handed him a piece of paper which he unfolded.

"What?" he asked in shock. "These are divorce papers!"

"What?" said the Drake as he leaned in for a look.

"And they were filed yesterday, the morning after the wedding." said Brad.

"You must be REALLY terrible in bed." said Ron.

"Dang." said Venom. "A day earlier and you coulda beat Britney and Jason."

"Why?" asked Brad.

"Because for the past five years, I've seen the two of you going at each other like children." said Susan. "It makes me sick to my stomach when I go to work in the morning because I know the Drake is going to do something to spite you and you're going to do something in return. I didn't become the Drake's financial advisor to raise a kid. I'm done with you. I'm done with both of you."

She walked away.

"What just happened?" asked the Drake.

"I think she just proved she's more intelligent than the two of us put together." said Brad.

----------

As night fell, the party moved into the club itself. Batman took to the stage and performed.

Lisa sat at a table with J.J, Victor, and Pamela. The Prescotts and Fletchers sat at a nearby table.

"So, you going to be an official next year?" asked J.J.

"No, I don't think so." said Lisa. "I liked this job and all, but I think it was taking me away from my real love."

"Maybe you'll join us sometime for the race." said Victor.

"If that's okay with...HIM." said Lisa.

"It is if it's okay with...HER." said Victor.

Jackie and Michael sat at another table with Professor Weathers.

"Say, Professor." said Jackie. "You ever consider giving up being an official and going back to racing?"

"Once in a while." said Weathers. "Then, I realize that if I were to leave this position, who'd replace me?"

"Maybe we could replace you." said Michael.

"You?" asked Weathers.

"Sure." said Jackie. "Who knows the ins and outs better than we do?"

"Plus, it's getting hard to come up with gadgets every year." said Michael.

"I'll talk to Mad Dog." said Weathers. "We'll see about it."

Danny sat at his private table and watched the party continue. Mad Dog joined him.

"Hell of a party, eh?" asked Mad Dog.

"You said it." said Danny.

Just then, a police officer walked over to them. In fact, he was the same officer who was chasing Danny earlier.

"Are you Danny Mitchell?" asked the officer.

"Yeah, that's me." said Danny.

"I was behind you earlier today." said the officer. "My partner was about to use his auto-taser on you when I realized there was something amiss about the situation."

"What was that?" asked Danny.

"I saw your plate and remembered this place." said the officer. "I remembered there was a drug bust involving several of your employees a few months back and your participation in the investigation and realized you wouldn't be running drugs."

"You did?" asked Danny. "Thanks for your assistance."

"It was no problem." said the officer. "So, what's cause for celebration here? The Cannonball perhaps?"

"Maybe." said Mad Dog.

"This would've been a good bust if I'd caught you in the act." said the officer. "Damn. Well, I'll see you later on less official business."

"We'll start you a new tab." said Danny.

"Well, that was a bit of a surprise." said Mad Dog.

"Probably the last one of the night." said Danny.

Just then, the main doors opened. Everybody looked to see who it was. Batman even stopped playing.

It turned out to be Blake and Fenderbaum in 80s clothes. After realizing the post-race party wasn't 80s-themed, they left embarrassed.

"Did you tell them the party was 80s themed?" asked Mad Dog.

"No, did you?" asked Danny.

"Why am I asking you?" asked Mad Dog. "Okay, THAT was the last surprise of the night."

And so, the post-race party continued until the last gust turned in for the night.

AN:You might think this is the end, but I'm actually planning on doing an epilogue. That should be up shortly.


	9. Epilogue

Cannonball Run 2006: TBA 

Epilogue

A few days after the race, Rob drove Patrick to the airport.

"Well, I can't say that was boring." said Patrick.

"First Cannonball for us both." said Rob. "Not boring at all."

"Well, I gotta catch my flight." said Patrick. "Maybe we'll do this again next year."

"Hopefully." said Rob.

"Rob." said Bison.

"Oh, I almost forgot." said Rob as he handed the gnome to Patrick.

"Thanks." said Patrick. "I'll send this back in a month." He turned and ran for the gate.

----------

A few weeks later in Los Angeles, Jill was parked by the side of the road in her Civic. Shortly afterward, Pete pulled up next to her in a blue Toyota MR2 Spyder.

"New car?" she asked.

"Yeah, I thought I could use one." said Pete. "You know how I love Toyotas. It's not a Levin, but what is?"

"How about a race to try it out?" asked Jill.

"Why not?" said Pete. "Hey, how about dinner tonight?"

"You're on." said Jill. "Winner picks the place, loser pays."

"Sounds fair." said Pete.

Jill started her car, then pulled up to a traffic light not far away. Pete pulled next to her.

"Next traffic light?" asked Pete.

"You got it." said Jill.

A few seconds later, the light turned green and both drivers hit their accelerators. Unfortunately, Pete wasn't used to the new gearbox and stalled coming off the line. Seeing she was going to win easily, Jill kept it within legal speeds.

Pete stared at his gauges and said "In the famous words of Chuck Prescott, 'Come on!'"

----------

In Poughkeepsie, Chuck treated J.J, Victor, and their lady loves to a lunch at a fancy restaurant.

"This is a nice place." said Lisa.

"Thanks." said Chuck. "Just a second."

He took out a PDA and crossed off "Take friends to fancy lunch". Further up were "Screw bosses" and "Run Cannonball with good car". Just below it was "Buy Segway".

"So, what's the occasion?" asked J.J.

"Well, if you've been reading the paper," said Betty "you'll know that J.C. was convicted for conspiracy to commit murder."

"He's going to be going away for a long time." said Chuck.

"So, what about Miss Whitaker?" asked Pamela.

"I declined to press charges." said Chuck.

"Why?" asked Victor.

"I had something else in mind." said Chuck.

----------

Back at Magnacorp, Miss Whitaker sat at what used to be Chuck's desk in the mailroom. A clerk dropped a tray of mail in front of her. She slowly went to open it.

----------

The next morning in Chicago, a tuning shop owned by Brad finished repairing the Drake's 4-door M3. The Drake and Ron came to pick it up.

"How does it look?" asked Brad.

"Nice." said the Drake. "Looks as good as when I finished it."

"How much is this going to cost?" asked Ron.

"This one's on me." said Brad as he took the service invoice.

"So, how's your divorce going?" asked the Drake.

"My lawyers are trying to knock it down to an annullment." said Brad. "That way, we can part ways like the marriage never occured."

"Don't you have to prove you never consummated the marriage?" asked the Drake.

"Yes, but sex is not something you can easily prove anyway." said Brad.

"Unless you got her pregnant." said Ron.

"What are the odds of that?" laughed Brad.

----------

About that time in San Francisco, Susan was getting ready for the day. After brushing her teeth, she checked a pregnancy test and sighed. "Well, there goes wine tasting in Napa." she said.

----------

A month after the race finished, Rob was at his home in L.A. practicing his skateboarding in the drained pool. Around noon, he took a break and went to eat lunch. He found Bison walking in with the mail.

"What's that box?" asked Rob.

"It's from Patrick." said Bison. "I think it's the gnome."

"Cool." said Rob.

Bison handed him the box and he opened it. The first thing he took out was a note. He handed it to Bison, then continued taking things out.

"Dear Rob," read Bison "Here's the gnome back. I got you some great high-quality photos to send to Terry. Best regards, Patrick."

"Alright." said Rob. He took out the gnome and was surprised to see a chip in its cap.

"P.S." said Bison. "Sorry about the chip. There was a slight accident while he was kissing the Blarney Stone."

Rob started looking through the photos. "Look at these." he said. "The Liffey River in Dublin."

"If what I know about Dublin is right," said Bison "this dark pool is what gives the city its name. I mean 'Dubh Linn' is Gaelic for 'dark pool'."

"I think you might be right." said Rob. "And here's Trinity College. And O'Connell Street."

"How do you know so much about Ireland?" asked Bison.

"Patrick sent me a travel guide." said Rob. He looked at the next photo and stared in awe.

Bison leaned in for a look. "Is that U2?" he asked.

THE END

AN:Thank you for reading. I hope you found the story enjoyable. CR2007 will be coming soon. I can say that it will be quite different from this in numerous ways. For starters, it will be set in Europe.  
Once again, thank you for reading. I'll see you soon.


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